Barmaid - BVC and all that...

Hello, it's only me

2012-01-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

Sorry to bother you and all that, but I thought it time to have a few words about things.

Having found myself in the doldrums last year, for reasons last blogged about, I think it's about time to pull my socks up (not least because it's too bleedin' cold to shave my legs and they look blue and hairy) and to get on with being my usual stupid self.

The touchy subject of pupillage has been on my mind of late, although I haven't looked at Monsier Olpas for months - I doubt he's missed me. So, I shall have to yet again try to make myself interesting AND appealing to chambers. Having thought long and hard about this, I've carefully prepared a strategy that is sure to wow em, or at least make go 'ooh'.

I'm not one for being furtive and sly (well that's me *ucked at the Bar:-)), so I thought I'd share my 4 golden rules for grasping the Golden Snitch:

Lie about my age,
Lie about my gender,
Lie about my statistics (in a non 'vital', but a uni 'where you went' sort of way),
Resume The Walk. I can't for the life of me remember why I stopped in the first place. Personally I always hum Blues Bros. 'Soul Man' when walking the walk, but do feel free to adapt Rule 4 to your own personal taste.

Just in case you're not aware (*tut* and shame on you), here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnaSRhMB_qo

Whadya reckon? I'm really optimistic:-)

ttfn.

Happy Christmas

2011-12-24T03:41:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas.

Just to say

2011-11-22T12:31:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged for a while because there's nothing much to tell. I'm still painting furniture and doing quite well, but I'm hoping it's not a forever job - tis a bit like watching paint dry (sorry, I'll get my coat). By my calculations I've painted circa 90 - 100 items so far, but I keep forgetting pieces, so it's probably more. Alas, my niche seems to be the big stuff, which means lots of grunting and groaning and cussing and back ache.

I've done bugger all on the (law) CV enhancing side of things, there's been no spare time (see below), but maybe in a few weeks time I'll do a bit.

My father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year. The initial prognosis was years, rather than months, but things didn't quite work out as expected and he is rapidly losing his battle against the disease. He was admitted to a hospice last week. It's a small(ish) Victorian house, that has room for just 4 patients at any one time. Although he has plenty of (too many in fact) visitors in the day, there were few volunteers for the night shift. Upon his admittance, the hospice staff explained that they felt that my father-in-law had days, rather than weeks. It came as no surprise - each day I had wondered if it could get much worse. I went and sat with him Saturday night. He has lost his sight, has a catheter, a syringe in each arm, can only just move one hand and his voice is disappearing. He is frightened. I set off from home just before midnight and drove through the country lanes in dense fog to the hospice.

I sat quietly, looking at a man sleeping, who bore no resemblance to the person I have known for many years. The hospice had been trying to get his meds sorted out, to get the pain under control and it was some solace to see him snoring his head off, looking relaxed and comfortable.

There were a few things I wanted to say to my father-in-law. He was particularly kind to me a few years ago when I went through a difficult time and I'd never thanked him for his support. He lay there snoring, sound asleep. I prepared my 'closing speech'. Father-in-law never stirred whilst I sat there for a few hours. As I rose to leave, I went over and very gently touched his hand; it was ice cold to the touch - he is so frail, that he can only bear a cotton sheet over him, anything heavier hurts his now tiny, fragile frame. He continued to snore. I whispered that I was going and the care assistant would come and sit with him for a while. I gave my short closing speech with a choked, quivering voice; he snored (loudly) all the way through it! I made my way to the car. The fog had enveloped the Victorian garden and the damp, dark atmosphere was depressing. I felt drained and exhausted. Fearful of falling asleep whilst going home, I wound down the window and drove off. I thought it would be a good idea to put the radio on once I left the hospice grounds, but was fearful that the music would be something depressing. After a brief pause I pressed the button and heard "Wake me up before you go go". I laughed.

When I got home, Barman asked me how his Dad was. I explained that he had never stirred, was sound asleep and free from pain. I said that he'd no idea I'd been.

The next day, when Barman came home from the hospice, he said that his Dad mentioned that I'd visited.

Naughty Corner

2011-10-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

It's a small village community I live amongst. About 150 people, perhaps a few less. In such a small place, it's important to get along with everyone.

Alas, I've upset one of my neighbours, who moved to the village a couple of years back. She was telling me about a legal battle she had in her previous village. It concerned a right of way that had been blocked off by the landowner. Neighbour, along with other villagers, were litigants-in-person. She was telling me about an old book they had cited in court, as proof of an ancient right of way. Unfortunately when she said the title (Great Dykes of Lincolnshire), I got the giggles and she got very shirty. "Oh trust you to laugh. The lawyers for the other side laughed, but we won you know". For some reason this made me laugh even more and she stomped off in a huff.

I'm in the naughty corner - does it make my bum look big? Nah, it's just about right:-)

Ooh 'eck, please don't tell anyone

2011-09-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

You can keep a secret can't you?

I might as well come straight out with it.

Ooh but I can't.

It's just so embarrassing.

It's Bar-Os.

He's.... ooh 'eck, I don't quite know how to put it.

Well you know...

I went to the stable and he was er, well you know..

Oh dear, it's very shocking, here we go...

I caught him... wearing lipstick!!!

Please don't tell anyone.

To make matters worse, the colour doesn't suit him and he'd just slapped it on willy nilly. No lip brush, no nuffink, just bright red lips.

I don't know what to do - I mean at the rate he's getting through it. I can't afford to buy him Lancome and imagine a Bar-Os wearing Rimmel! What would the BSB think!

I have tried to reason with him, but he just stuck his tongue out at me, laughed and said I was an old fuddy duddy and needed to get wiv it innit.

Perhaps he'll grow out of it. Just in case he doesn't, can anyone recommend a decent make-up artist to give him a few lessons.

I would like to reassure readers that no horse was harmed during the making of this blog post, although the horse's mum did get gooey molasses block spat down her top. She intends to sue for something or another, but it's so long since she looked at a law book, she cannot remember anything remotely legal at all.

Sorry, it wasn't anything sensible, maybe next time:-)

In the matter of Carrot v Decency

2011-08-06T13:57:00.000-07:00

I'm a country bumpkin.

I don't get out much.

In the country, we have to make our own entertainment.

I buy big sacks of carrots for Bar-Os (no wait, it gets better).

They are the ones that don't make it to the supermarket. For reasons that will become all too apparent.

(Is the excitement getting too much to bear yet?).

I'm old enough to know better.

A mature aspirant to the Bar for God's sake.

But still find carrot pornography very funny.

The poor chap on the right went to Snips R Uz for a vasectomy. I have a date with the one on the left:-)

Friends in high places

2011-08-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

A couple of grumpy swallows moved, uninvited, into Bar-Os' stable a few weeks back. They built a nest of sorts, on a beam, smack bang in the middle of the stable. They dive bombed me. They dumped on Bar-Os.

I explained to them that I paid the mortgage and as such had every right to be there. It made no difference.

Soon enough, 3 baby swallows hatched - very peculiar - 1 large, 1 medium, 1 small. They would sit in a row on the beam, looking just like a set of Russian dolls, all neatly lined up. They had inherited their parents grumpiness. They glared at me. They dive bombed me. They too dumped on Bar-Os.

In the morning my poor boy's back would be twitching and he had a resigned look on his face "look what they did mum". I wiped away the bird droppings each morning.

As the days passed, the swallows spent less and less time in the stable and I noticed that there didn't appear to be much muck on his back. It was quite difficult to tell though because he's taller than me and I can't see right over his back.

On an evening, I let him graze on the lane for a few minutes when I bring him home from the paddock. As he leans forward to munch, his back dips slightly and I get a better view of his back. On several occasions, I was surprised to see quite a lot of bird droppings and assumed that I missed them in the morning.

I went to the paddock one day last week and noticed something on his back. As I approached, I realised it was a swallow; sat there, not a care in the world. The next day there were several on his back; all sat relaxing in the sun, as though it were the most normal thing in the world to spend the day riding around the field on a horse. None of the other horses in the surrounding paddocks have the same embarrassing problem. I've come to the conclusion that it's the same swallows, who think Bar-Os is their dad.

They say that getting dumped on by a bird is lucky. I keep meaning to buy Bar-Os a lottery ticket; he's in for a megga win!

Here are the culprits, waiting for Bar-Os.

There haven't been as many firework displays from the hotel this year. I'd like to think that the 'talking to' I gave to the hotelier some while back was the reason, but suspect that it's the recession (the displays start at £600).

I received an email from the ~~village idiots~~ Parish Council earlier this week to say that there would be a display this evening at 9.30 "the usual quiet ones followed by a few bangs at the end".

I got Bar-Os in from the paddock early so that I could get him groomed without getting my teeth kicked out when the big bangs commenced. At about 10, I heard loud bangs and assumed that I'd missed the 'quieter' fireworks which precede the very loud ones at the end. Nope, that was the beginning of an horrendous episode. The fireworks got bigger and louder, resulting in my house, garden and stable (and a few neighbours homes) getting showered in glowing cinders. The ones that landed in the garden soon went out because the grass is damp from the recent rain, but the roof on the house and stable had burning cinders on them for some time. I'm not in a good frame of mind!

What a farce

2011-07-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

I received an email from the Portal the other day, informing me that there had been a problem with their system. Some pupillage applications were missing the main body of the form (the application questionnaire) when chambers downloaded them.

I received this email on the 19th July; nearly 3 months after the closing date for pupillage applications.

I received an email yesterday from the Portal assuring me that none of my applications were affected. This was shortly followed by an email from one of the chambers I applied to, informing me that my application questionnaire had been absent when it was downloaded.

The original email from the Portal said that the Bar Council and the Bar Standards Board were considering postponing the date when offers for pupillage be made (2nd August), so that the process be 'transparent and clear'.

Transparent and clear, my foot!

I really cannot see chambers re-starting the whole application sifting and interview process again, some 3 months after the closing date for pupillage apps. I cannot understand why it has taken this long for the problem to come to light.

What a farce!

The Curious Tale of Mr O' Dringle

2011-07-20T17:04:00.000-07:00

There is one day from my BVC studies that is most memorable. A day I'll never forget and one that I think of to this day, and no doubt will for many years to come.

It all started with a compulsory, supervised court visit. For those unfamiliar with BVC, the course includes 4 court visits, 2 unsupervised, 2 supervised.

What with the demands of working and studying at the same time, I put off the supervised court visits until the last minute because it meant a day in London during the week and my time was squeezed.

Anyway, off I trotted to a well known London Crown Court for the second of my supervised visits. I didn't know any of the other BVC students; most were from the full-time course. The supervising tutor I knew vaguely.

So, supervising tutor asked us to put a tick next to our name on her sheet and explained that before we were let loose in the courts, we were to have a privileged tour of the Court by the Court's very own resident tour guide. We were led into a courtroom, where each aspect of the room's geography was explained in great detail. I should add at this point, that I was the oldest student there; a mature, professional woman.

The 10 - 15 minute guided tour lasted 45 minutes, despite the tutor's embarrassed gasps "Yes, yes, they know what a witness box is for, they've done mini-pupillages, law degrees, and all sorts of things to do with LAW; they know about witness boxes". Alas, when the tour guide said "You will all be wondering what these 12 seats are for. They are for a jury, j.u.r.y.. The jury decide whether the defendant is a bad person or a good person", I corpsed big style. Tears and the lot. So much for my maturity and all that. The tutor kept mouthing apologies to us and writhing in embarrassment, but the tour guide was oblivious and kept going.

We were shown a law book. It was a new one on me called "Archibold". I wasn't the only one laughing at this point (thankfully). We were also shown the VERY stairs that the judges walk down on their way to the court rooms. Tour guide seemed a tad disappointed that no-one fell to their knees to kiss the carpet, but nevertheless continued until the supervising tutor told her that we needed to really get to see some cases. Tutor then told us to go and find a case to watch and pissed off. So much for a supervised court visit.

Given my uncontrollable fit of giggles, I thought it best if I just find something boring to watch, as I didn't want to start corpsing in court.

I wandered into a room that had a very, very ordinary Public Order Offence trial going on. A one day trial that was really just suited to the Mags, but had found itself in the Crown Court. The trial had overrun, so I was joining it on the second day, towards the end. This I thought was an excellent idea on my part; I could watch an hour or so's advocacy, grab lunch, whilst writing up my visit notes and go home early.

Two barristers made their way into the court room; one male, one female. The female barrister was prosecuting. She should have been ugly. A young woman, not long out of Bar School I guess. She had hooded, slanted, masculine, grey eyes, a large hook nose and a jutty out chin to rival the nose. She also had a complexion as pure as alabaster, with the merest hint of pale pink about her cheeks. She was in short, so ugly, she was beautiful and had a face that was just so infinitely interesting, despite the fact (or maybe because of the fact) that it was emotionless and still and perfectly controlled. The slight upward tilt of her face gave her an air of confidence, perhaps even arrogance. A few other Bar students had joined me and she gave us the merest uninterested glance as she sat very still, waiting for the trial to re-commence.

The male defending barrister, who I shall call Mr O' Dringle, looked to be in his late 30's, early 40's. He appeared very bored indeed; totally fed up to be going into a second day (a Friday at that), of a run of the mill trial with nothing at all exciting about it. His demeanour was unfriendly and he cast an annoyed glance at we handful of students.

"Excuse me" ventured I. Mr O' Dringle cast a slow, arrogant, sarcastic glance in my direction and said nothing. "We're Bar students on a supervised court visit" I said. "Can we have both your names and your Chambers too, so that we can jot them down for our written court reports?". Mr O' Dringle's demeanour instantly and surprisingly transformed. He flashed a smile, stood up quickly and bowed, waxed lyrical and carefully spelt out his name, so that we could be sure to get it right.

The judge arrived and the trial resumed. There were a few odds and sods to go through before closing speeches, which filled us in on the gist of the case. The witness/victim said that the defendant (who she didn't know) had verbally abused her and spat at her whilst she was stood at a bus stop. The defendant denied the allegation.

The prosecuting barrister gave a very short closing speech, very simple, very concise, very clear. She pointed out that the victim had described the defendant's appearance comprehensively and accurately to the police before his arrest, and as such, the detailed account of her description was reliable.

Mr O' Dringle stood up. He was very tall. His legs were of normal length, but his back was very, very long. He bowed to the judge. A long, low, slow bow, made all the more animated by the sheer length of his back. Mr O' Dringle gave the jury a Turnbull Direction, which rather surprised us law students. He also directed the jury incorrectly on the burden of proof. I think there was a bit of Galbraith in there too, but can't be too sure.

Mr O' Dringle was in his element. A gaggle of Bar students, there to see how it was really done.

It was only a small court room. The jury were but a few metres away from Mr O' Dringle. They were sinking in their seats, they were yawning, they were hungry. Mr O' Dringle noticed none of this because he wanted to address the jury about mobile phones. No-one knew why and we students cast confused glances to one another. There had been no mention of the offence including a mobile phone. Nevertheless, Mr O' Dringle spoke at great length about mobile phones, well, until the judge stopped him that is. The judge huffed, puffed, coughed, shuffled papers, intervened and corrected - several times! Mr O' Dringle would slowly bow low to the judge, thank him for his assistance and continue where he left off. Mr O' Dringle's closing speech went on for over an hour. The judge adjourned for lunch and asked the Bar students to come back into court 15 minutes before the trial resumed.

We Bar students complied and went back to court early. The judge came into court and spoke to us. General chit chat. Who had a pupillage? Which Bar School? Which Inn? And so on. He asked if we had any questions. There were only one or two half hearted questions put forward. "Well I am surprised" said the judge. "This is the first time I've met a group of Bar students who haven't wanted to ask questions about advocacy". The court room fell silent. For what seemed a very long time there was complete silence. "We didn't like to say anything" said I. "Oh you must be talking about Mr O' Dringle" said the judge. "Don't worry, I've just given him a bollocking" said the judge. "My summing up should have been a few minutes. I'll be all afternoon undoing the bloody mess Mr O' Dringle has made. He's a very nice man though really" said the judge as he made his way back to his chambers to get ready for the afternoon.

When I got back home, I googled Mr O' Dringle. I expected to find that he was a mature aspirant to the Bar and hadn't been at it long. I was surprised to see, on his Chambers website, that Mr O' Dringle was of 17 years call.

How bloody weird is that?

Go on, you know you want to

2011-07-04T04:35:00.000-07:00

I have just entered my email address into the sign in box and for whatever reason, Google ignored my initial bit of typing. I glanced up and saw 'gin.net'. Ok, so I have no pupillage interviews, but gin on a Monday morning! I don't think so Google, I'm a respectable laydee don't yer know. Whatever next?

And just for Michael (yup, I liked the fruit bowl btw), here's the Ercol court cupboard before, middle and after pics. I only finished it 4 days ago and sold it yesterday. Well that shut Barman up, who said that Duck Egg Blue was a bad idea and I'd be stuck with it forever. Oh well, seems that I shall not be able to assemble my own little court room in the garage after all. I'd have quite enjoyed pretending to be a barrister (hiya Andro - read your blog:-)).

And just for Michael - I decided against a bird of paradise; no room for all the plumage, so went for a hummingbird design instead:

PUPILLAGE & BINGO ARMS...

2011-06-22T03:30:00.000-07:00

I did happen to notice (or rather feel), when waving to a friend last year, that there was a funny wobbly sensation on the underside of my arm. I'm not sure how or when it happened, or indeed why (when I'm not a day over 25 *cough*), but moi had developed that most serious of female illnesses - the bingo arms. They must have appeared overnight, as I'd never noticed them before. A camisoled glance in the mirror, coupled with the arms out front, shake em all about movement, confirmed the diagnosis - I was doomed!

Anyway, I was idly chatting to Barman the other day and rested my left hand on my right upper arm. Left hand was, no doubt, absent mindedly looking for somewhere soft and squishy to have a kip. Ha! Left hand was sadly disappointed, nay gutted, to be met by compact and bijou, but perfectly formed, little walnuts of bicep and tricep. "Look at that" said I to Barman, who couldn't stop laughing at the little bulge (well, I've been laughing at his little bulge for years, so fair's fair). Must be all the furniture lifting that's done the trick.

No pupillage interviews so far. Pity, as I quite fancied waving my arms in the air.

By popular demand...

2011-04-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

...Well ok, just the one request from Michael, who I'm sure was only being polite!

I have expanded my business empire - not only do I buy new furniture to repair, I've also taken to buying old stuff at sales (much more fun and the old furniture is just begging to be repaired, and I can't resist it).

This was a 'pine rocker' (according to the auctioneer). It's actually beech and was a bit battered and scratched and orange, but weighed a ton and felt solid as a rock, so I bought it, sanded it down and painted some of it with Farrow and Ball and rubbed the rest with linseed. All it needs now is a Grandfather, a tartan blanket and a packet of Worthers Originals:-) Note the gratuitous use of a law book to add it bit of class to the proceedings.

And this was a rather dated oak dresser that has also been sanded down and given the Farrow and Ball face lift.

And this is my very favourite. A retro mahogany sideboard that has been loved and tweaked and polished to bits by me, put on sale for too much money by me, all because I don't actually want to part with it.

And this is a rather expensive new oak dresser top which had damage. It has had a bit of work and some extra virgin olive oil rubbed into it to restore its lustre. I sold this one quite quickly.

And this is Bar-Os, my quality control supervisor - Vintage Ercol clearly isn't his thing (not sure it's mine either), but a bit of Farrow and Ball....

And this is another new item, a dining table that needed a bit of work to repair damaged legs.

And this is the sort of thing I have to work on - straight from the auction, just waiting to be revived. Pics of the finished article to follow.

Now will somebody please give me a pupillage? My back hurts, my hands are like sandpaper and I miss law. If worse comes to worse and I'm useless at being a pupil barrister, you can set me on renovating chambers rickety old furniture during my second six:-)

p.s. the shell above is finished; here it is. Now I promise no more pics of furniture:-)

Barristers don't shake hands...

2011-03-29T16:40:00.000-07:00

...Good job says I, seeing as mine are like sand paper, what with all the furniture mending.

Bit strange goings on at Barmaid Towers. This morning, Barman was doing the mucking out (stable not home:-)) and you'll never guess what he came across (those of a squeamish nature look away now). A headless chicken, in the small amount of muck that I've got at the side of the stable!

And you'll never guess what again! It must have been the noisy cockerel that I was telling you about, as all afternoon it's been gloriously peaceful.

Told my neighbour about it and she thinks it must have been a fox. Obviously the head was too much to resist, but it left the body for later. Or maybe Bar-Os isn't quite the sweet and innocent vegetarian I thought he was:-)

ttfn

Update on not bagging a pupillage

2011-03-21T14:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted, the reason being that there's not much to tell really. So far, for 2011, I've done 4 applications for pupillage, swiftly followed by 4 straight rejections. Well, when I say straight, there was the usual Chambers balls-up letter, telling me that I had not succeeded past the first interview stage. Not surprising thought I, seeing as I wasn't invited to interview. Perhaps I should have requested interview feedback just to see what Chambers had to say about my absentee interview techniques:-)

My life is very busy at the minute as I've stumbled into (if any lovely Chambers are reading this, please replace 'stumbled' with 'painstakingly researched, planned and embarked upon') a new business venture. I have bought some posh furniture; furniture that's been sent out to customers and has gotten damaged in transit. I'm busy learning how to repair chips in wood and generally having a ball throwing myself into something new. The down side is that some of the pieces are very heavy and make me ache when I have to move them around. Yesterday I sold a really nice oak dresser that came to me with a couple of chips in the shelves. The buyer was a joiner and was impressed by my repair work and colour matching techniques. I didn't tell him that, exasperated by not being able to match the wood, I resorted to using black coffee and my kohl eye-liner pencil to get the desired graining match:-) I'm eagerly awaiting a delivery of shellac based waxes (I know what an anorak) and have a solder wand at hand to learn how to do more advanced repair work (large swear box is on order too and by Easter I should have enough pound coins amassed to afford a new Merc.).

Bar-Os has reached a bit of a plateau in his recovery from Cauda Equina Syndrome. His tail has a little movement (usually when pissed off with moi), his bum is firing on all cylinders, but his bladder is very weak and I have to wash off his pee soaked legs each evening when he comes into the stable. A few days ago, he'd managed to pee up his turnout rug, and I'm still trying to fathom out just how the heck he managed to do so, and can only assume that he got down to roll and the sprinkler system kicked in?

So, that's about the gist of it all really. Olpas opens in a short time and I shall try to make a decent job of the applications, but I've done so many that I now look at them with jaded eyes and think everything I write is either contrived or just plain crap.

On a brighter note, there's been no shooting near my paddock this year and the wild life is slowly starting to replenish. I have a woodpecker in the back garden, a beautiful, graceful barn owl and a fox in the paddock and have recently spotted a small herd of muntjac deer knocking about the fields near my paddock - they are tiny and incredibly cute.

John Mortimer

2011-02-05T13:42:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a biography of John Mortimer called The Devil's Advocate. I would love to say that I'm enjoying it, but the author, Graham Lord, is to my mind, unnecessarily cruel about his subject. He picks up on a weakness and goes on and on about it, pick, pick, pick… The start of the book tells of Mortimer’s childhood and adolescence and the author makes far too much of Mortimer’s aversion to hygiene. Come on, for goodness sake, many teenage boys are strangers to bathing, it’s quite within the scope of normality. Yet Lord goes on about it, desperate to find fault at any cost.

I can’t argue that the book is well researched, or at least appears to be, but page after page of spiteful remarks are spoiling the story for me. I’ve gotten to the point in the book where Mortimer has married his first wife, Penelope, and Lord makes much of the flaws in their marriage, which is fine, but not page after page, after page of it.

Determination will ensure that I’ll read it to the end, but I find that the book makes me feel sad. Sad for the author, who has ruined what could have been an excellent story, and sad for the late John Mortimer and his family. I do like a bit of kiss and tell (who doesn’t), but this book is cruel. We don’t need the author to point out repeatedly that Mortimer wasn’t the most handsome of men, nor that he was useless at DIY.

I suppose I’d just expected a life story, and this alone would have been immensely entertaining, there’s so much to tell, but the constant jibes are spoiling it for me. I guess my feelings aren’t unique; the book’s full price is £20, but I picked it up for just £1.

On an equally depressing note, it’s pupillage application time again. I’ve done 2 so far this year and have a further 3 to tackle next week. And then I have the delights of OLPAS to look forward to (again!). I intend to make a concerted effort this year to grab a pupillage, but as soon as I start filling in those forms, my enthusiasm diminishes. I just don’t sparkle on paper.

That’s all for now.

A Confession

2011-01-17T01:40:00.000-08:00

This is very difficult for me to say dear bloggers, but of late I have been having naughty thoughts. No, not those type of thoughts (although George Clooney in a skimpy little number does occasionally cross my mind). As you may know from my previous posts, I'm a bit of a softy when it comes to God's little creatures, but there is a certain little creature that I'm having murderous thoughts over. There, I've said it. I feel so much better for sharing this with you.

These murderous thoughts are becoming more and more frequent, more detailed and are almost preparatory in substance and detail. In fact I'd go so far as to say they are fantasies; fantasies that I enjoy! I know that the little creature in question is oblivious to my wicked thoughts. I need to get rid of this mental torment one way or another and at this moment in time dear bloggers, I confess that murder most horrid seems the most likely cure. When I say murder most horrid, I may be gilding the lily a tad, a straight forward killing will do. My favourite plan is a shooting - out of the back bedroom window (you see, I told you I'd gone all preparatory). No-one will know it was me and all I need to do is buy a gun and learn how to use it. Oh, and I'll also need some camouflage combat trousers, a masculine vest top, a bandana and will wear no make-up (we're thinking along the lines of Sigourney Weaver in Alien here).

Even as I write the said little creature is tormenting me; I can hear him. I hear him all day. I hear him at night. I hear him first thing in the morning. I hear him when I get up in the middle of the night. He's always there!

Perhaps I should explain. The said little creature is a cockerel with a speech impediment. No, dear bloggers, it's not at all funny, so please stop smirking. He moved onto the land at the back of my house a while back. He has no sense of day or night and the only time he's quiet is early evening, when I presume he collapses from exhaustion. It wouldn't be quite so bad if his cock-a-doodle-doo was normal, but it isn't. It's a sort of painful, elongated cock-a-doodle-do, with the end bit going all croaky.

So, I've been watching him recently, eyeing him up. He's not the best of specimens I'm afraid, but I reckon there's a few portions to be had off him. Nigel Slater has some rather nice recipes, but I do quite fancy a Heston Blumenthal seeing as it will be such a special occasion.

I must remember to get a nice bottle of Chianti, seeing as I'm having a friend for dinner (*smacks lips repeatedly*).

Oh, and please don't tell anyone about this, let it be our little secret eh. I just don't think the pupillage committees would understand.

New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-02T05:46:00.000-08:00

I'm not normally one for making New Year Resolutions, but feel that because this is the start of a new decade I ought to at least make a bit of effort. So without further ado, my list is as follows:

Bag a pupillage;
Be less grumpy with those that matter;
Be more grumpy with those that don't;
Be less generally (i.e. lose those 4lbs plonked on over Christmas);
Decorate the bathroom;
Decorate the bedroom;
Decorate the hall;
Decorate the junk room;
Tidy the junk room (i.e. have a bloody good clear out);
Decorate the spare room;
Do whatever makes me happy (so that pretty much cancels out most of the above bar the Bar if you get my drift).

Christmas hasn't been without its problems. We've had 2 burst pipes, caused by the sub-zero temperatures. Luckily the bursts were spotted within a few minutes of happening, so the damage wasn't too bad, but I was unable to use my washing machine for several days due to the freeze-up. This laundry-less state of affairs resulted in the wearing of some very dodgy underwear, you know the sort, the frumpy ones stuffed at the back of the drawer for a rainy day and the ones that you optimistically rediscover, only to belatedly remember that the very reason they are at the back of the drawer is because they give you a wedgie every time you move.

Bar-Os isn't speaking to me. I brought him up from the paddock yesterday and he just wasn't his usual cheeky chirpy self. Initially, I thought that he was having a bit of a relapse with the Cauda Equina Syndrome, but once inside the stable he immediately tucked into his haynet, so I dispelled any notion of serious illness. I groomed him carefully and chatted away for half an hour or so, only to be met with an aloof, mildly irritated glance. I suspect that the charms of another woman have lured him away from his clingy mother. You see, a new pony has arrived in the field next door; she's a red head and has a lovely, strawberry blonde, wavy tail and has a love heart pattern clipped on her pert little bum. I just can't compete on the looks front I'm afraid, so cling to the hope that the way back to my boy's heart is through his stomach. Because he isn't quite right in the waterworks department, the excitement of talking to the laydees next door makes him wee spontaneously, but they don't seem to mind one bit and positively vie for his attention.

There seems to have been a bit of progress on the fireworks front. The hotel had another display a few nights back, but they were over the other side of the hotel, so weren't going off above Bar-Os Towers. As such the noise was reduced to a (just about but not quite really) tolerable level.

I have a few pupillage application forms awaiting my attention, but lack enthusiasm at the moment. They can wait a few more days. Instead, I have decided to paint my kitchen cupboards and now need to decide what colours will best suit. I painted them a few years back using some sea-side shades of pebble grey and watery blue/green; the result was very nice, but it's time for a change. I'm thinking a pale, mint green and a darker olive green will look quite good. I do like cream, but my kitchen gets some hammer, so perhaps not the most practical colour to choose.

Anyways, I wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope that 2011 will see the back of the recession and the start of something good.

Happy Christmas!

2010-12-24T02:52:00.000-08:00

Just to wish everyone a very merry Christmas:-)

My Hair Turned White!

2010-12-20T03:13:00.000-08:00

It was minus 10 when I took Bar-Os to the paddock this morning. By the time I'd walked back home, my hair had frozen and the frosty, foggy atmosphere had turned it white. Brrrrrrrrrr.

There's a field not too far away that has a selection of horses and ponies on it. Yesterday there were several concerned looking RSPCA officers at the field. I have noticed that the horses are being fed; there's hay on the ground, but they aren't rugged up and there's no shelter for them.

I thought it a very ill considered statement a couple of weeks ago, when an RSPCA spokesperson said (on the news) that the Charity were tired of people calling them up to report horses in fields without rugs. The spokesperson said that this wasn't a problem because horses are capable of withstanding sub-zero temperatures. Well I beg to differ. Sure, they will withstand a frosty night of minus 1 or 2 without too much hardship, but the current weather is too harsh for many horses, particularly the older ones or the finer thoroughbred types. I suppose the RSPCA have shot themselves in the foot here because they can hardly prosecute people for following the Charity's own advice.

Bar-Os is very grumpy at the moment. He doesn't like the cold weather and he particularly doesn't like my woolly ski hat. As I approach the stable, he flattens his ears back and once I'm inside, battle commences. He's determined to grab the hat off my head and doesn't mind if he grasps a mouthful of hair at the same time. Barman stands looking through the kitchen window, laughing at the sight of it all. If I put both hands to my head, he grabs the zip on my jacket and yanks that down. If I take my hat off, calmness prevails, but it's bloody freezing. Oh, and he also doesn't like having the belly straps done up on his rug (I assume because they feel cold against his skin?). As I bend down to pull the straps through, he makes a grab for my bum, or even worse, the back of my knee. I'll be a battered and bruised wreck by the time the weather improves.

Still, I'm not complaining. At the end of July, I was told that he had 3 months to live. Here we are, 5 months later and he is such a lot better. His previously limp tail is regaining movement, he goes to the loo quite nicely too. It's just his bladder that is a little weak. I have to smear his 'bits' with petroleum jelly each day, as the drops of urine freeze to his skin and make him sore. It is slightly troubling that Bar-Os loves the warm flannel and subsequent smearing of Vaseline around his nether regions. Wonder what Freud would make of it all!

Application Form Avoidance and Bah Humbug

2010-12-17T10:50:00.000-08:00

I really should be filling out an application form, but having read the person specification and all the associated jargon, I've lost momentum. It must be bad because I even vacuumed the house to avoid said form filling. On my travels with the vacuum cleaner, I accidentally came across a bag containing prezzies that Barman has bought me for Christmas. I know that I shouldn't have, but...

Ok, so it's the giving that counts, and I'm a very ungrateful person, but I do seem to get more than my fair share of crappy Chrimbo prezzies and my 'yes it's lovely' smile does take some doing at times. Barman and his family are particularly chronic prezzie choosers and I always undo their gifts first to get the disappointment/shock out of the way:-) Last year I thought that I'd play it safe and specify what I wanted - something simple, a fool proof prezzie - a nice plain white shirt with collar, size 10/12. I got a white shirt with frumpy frills down the front and a banded neck-line, it was very Miss Jean Brodie. Oh, and it was a size 18. I'm allergic to soap, always have been and received 2 bars from my mother-in-law (who said that Barman had told her I'd like some soap), and a 42 inch chest shirt? I once requested something nice and snugly. Big mistake. I received a pair of massive, white, thermal bloomers - the ones that come half way down the thigh - the 'yes they're lovely' smile was impossible to perform on that occasion. As was the case when Barman bought me a pair of size 18 jodphurs (there's a theme emerging here don't you think?) - I didn't speak to him all day and was even more furious when I took the jodphurs back to the shop and the assistant (who we know) informed me that she'd told Barman they were far too large for me, but he'd disagreed.

I knew that I shouldn't have peeked in the prezzie bag, but I was put on notice last week-end when Barman said "You are a 36D aren't you?". "In your dreams" said I! It reminded me of the time when Barman bought me some bright blue, very tarty, lacy undies, which were so stiff and starchy that they made my boobs itch incessantly - it was very embarassing, but at least I had an excuse to not wear them again.

There was also something very shiny in the prezzie bag, which on closer inspection turned out to be a pair of dodgy jim jams with pink bows on them? I'm quite certain that if I tried to get into bed with them on, I'd slide right out the other end. Fear not though, I have a cunning plan - I'll give them to Barman's mother next Christmas;-)

Oh well, at least I have plenty of time to practice my thankyou smile, I'll need to draw on all of my advocacy skills for the thankyou speech though.

6 school buses, a church and a defibrillator, but no County Court

2010-12-15T02:35:00.000-08:00

There are circa 150 residents in my village; many of whom live on the outskirts of the village in the farmhouses that scatter the local countryside. There are 6 children who are of school age in the village. We have 2 schools in nearby villages, one is an infant/junior school, the other a secondary school. So why do we have 6 school buses in a morning? The first one comes through the village at 7.30, followed at ten minute intervals by the other 5. What an utter waste of money. The buses do pick up children from neighbouring villages, but nevertheless, they are barely half full on a good day, and on a bad day (when parents drop the kids off on their way to work), there are only a handful of children on the buses. And why the early start; the junior school is only a mile and a half away. Bizarre.

My village has a nice little church. I would have gotten married in it, but the vicar (at that time) said I was a sinner (yes, I'd committed the ultimate sin, shacked up shamelessly with the boyfriend before tying the knot). Perhaps it comes as no surprise that the church has a very small congregation - about 4 or 5 on a busy day, 2 of which stand with their backs to the vicar for the duration of the services, because the vicar is a woman. Bizarre. And of course the church is always in need of funds, its most recent face-lift costing tens of thousands.

The village telephone box is to be purchased for a pound. Some villages make use of old telephone boxes by using them as tourist information booths, or book exchanges, or even mini newspaper kiosks. Ours is to house a defibrillator. The bus shelter is next door to the phone box. Of course the village children wouldn't dream of zapping one another with the defibrillator whilst waiting for the school bus... I'm going to be extra careful not to slip on my arse when taking Bar-Os to the paddock, I don't want an over zealous adolescent zapping me before I've had a chance to pick myself up from the un-gritted (more cut backs) road.

Which brings me onto the closure of the County Court situated in my local town. It's primarily a Magistrates Court, but has the add-on of a County Court. The Magistrates Court will remain, so I can't see how the closure will save any money in the long run. Still, if a phone box can be used as a mini heart attack centre, perhaps the few rooms set aside at the mags for County Court purposes could be utilised as a drop-in centre for DIY hip replacements. I reckon there'd be a call for it, what with all the un-gritted roads and pavements.

I would write a letter to my local MP about it all, but the nearest Post Office is now 5 miles away (more cut-backs) and what with petrol approaching £1.30 a litre, I just can't afford the travel costs to buy a stamp.

Life in the freezer

2010-12-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

Christ it's been cold here; it was minus 11 the other morning when I took Bar-Os to the paddock. There's been no let up with the weather and although it hasn't snowed for a few days, the extreme cold has prevented the existing snow from melting and it's become extremely compact and slippery under foot. I have a self-filling water trough in the paddock, but it's been frozen solid for several days, so I have to take hot water down to the paddock in milk cartons to top up the ever freezing, temporary water bucket. For the first few days, Bar-Os was able to nuzzle the snow out the way to find himself some grass, but I'm now having to take hay down to the field, along with a buckets full of chaff and carrots to keep my boy's boiler stoked up.

All of this toing and froing has to be on foot because the lane leading to the paddock is snowed under. I resemble a sumo wrestler waddling through the village, what with all the layers of clothing - long sleeve tee shirt, shaggy fleece top, topped with another shaggy fleece top, topped with a fleece lined jacket, scarf, ski hat, thick gloves and a pair of Caterpillar fleece lined boots (steel toe caps and 'tractor tread' soles - what a sex goddess!). To think, I live in one of the most temperate parts of the Country, allegedly!

Bar-Os is a 'native breed' - made for withstanding the bitter cold, except no-one has told him that and he stands in the middle of the paddock squealing loudly at the sheer woefulness of it all. Wouldn't be quite so bad, but he's turned out in a thick winter rug and downs enough nourishing food to sink a battle ship. And he comes home at night to a stable full of soft, dry bedding and 4* room service. All of my horsey friends are fretting at how their horses have lost weight during the cold spell - Bar-Os is positively barrelesque; he swears this is an optical illusion and that the roundness effect is down to his fur standing on end. I'm not convinced.

My plan was to go Christmas shopping this week, but I've succumbed to the lure of the internet again and optimistically await the delivery of the cyber-prezzies. Somehow my cyber travels took a wrong turn and I have, for some unknown reason, taken delivery of a very nice Karen Millen coat? With my grunge lifestyle, God knows when I'll get a chance to wear it, but I convinced myself that it would be ideal for pupillage interviews (ever the optimist eh) and it was VASTLY reduced in the sale.

My Aunt died a few weeks back and I have spent much of today thinking about her. She moved to America many years ago, as did the rest of my Dad's family, but she would periodically come home to visit. As a kid I thought she was wonderful and glamorous. America was made for my Aunt - she was all boobs, belly and bum, and lived life in the fast lane, on credit cards for most of the time. I remember how expensive international phone calls were years ago, and what a carefully planned operation the Christmas day call to America would be. My parents would be working out what time it would be 'over there' and would time their call so as not to interfere with my Aunt's Christmas dinner. In recent years it has become so much easier and cheaper to keep in touch, and Dad would phone periodically to chat with his big sis. My Aunt had kept a secret from Dad, she had bowel cancer which had later spread to her bones. The last time Dad spoke to her, she had lost her appetite and was too weak to stand, but asked Dad to tell her daughter how to make beef stew and Yorkshire pudding. My Aunt died later that day, before she had a chance to savour some good old British grub. She had been an ardent supporter of native Indian rights and has been buried in a Red Indian reservation called Monkey Island. I'll miss her this Christmas.

Anyway, that's enough woe. I have applied for a couple of jobs. One is a conventional pupillage at the employed Bar, the other is a legal, public sector role with progressive training. The latter sounds an interesting job, with much of the work involving contentious property related litigation and regulatory enforcement. There are a few other pupillages that I shall be applying for in the New Year and I eagerly await filling in those lovely application forms:-( A while back I applied for a mini-pupillage via email, following the consumption of (far) too much red wine. Much to my surprise and angst, I was successful in gaining a mini and spent the week dreading one of the barristers asking me an email related to question, to which I had no recollection penning whatsoever! Perhaps that is the winning formula and I should do all forthcoming applications post piss-up?

Where has all the money gone?

2010-11-26T02:42:00.000-08:00

At the risk of sounding like one of those "in my day" boring old farts, I'm just wondering where the heck all of the money paid to the Government goes.

During my lifetime, the following money grasping methods spring to mind, although I'm sure there are far more:

VAT - introduced (I believe) in the 70's, initially at a rate of 10%. We are now facing another VAT rise to 20%. And we now pay VAT on home energy bills too (which used to be exempt from VAT);

MIRAS - this mortgage tax relief was done away with several years ago;

Free eye tests and free dental check-ups - done away with (apart from those on benefits) some years ago;

Having to pay to get money out of the bank - this is a clever little trick, given that most people have their wages paid straight into the bank (which incidentally swells the Bank of England's cashflow no end). I guess that most readers aren't aware that wages used to be paid in cash, in a little brown envelope with the edges of the notes neatly folded over the edge, so that the employee could check his money before opening the envelope;

Education - grants for university education are long gone. Ok, so going back 20 years, only 10% of school leavers went to uni, but nevertheless;

Parking - used to be free in most small towns. My local town now charges circa £1.20 an hour. There are 60 empty shops in the town centre, the town's Marks and Spencer are losing £1000 a day, due to the re-development of the nearby car-park (sold off for building). The M & S has a sizable food department and people just can't trundle their groceries across town to the car-park. I guess there will be 61 empty shops soon. My local town is just one of hundreds suffering the same hardship;

Amenities - my local town has no public toilets, there used to be three sites, but one by one the Council have closed them. A local hospital was sold off for building and the town has no public funded sports facilities. There is one sports centre two miles out of town, which is attached to a school. It was old and inadequate 20 years ago, it's dropping to bits and a joke now. Again, this is just one of many towns that are in rapid decline;

Housing - well, what can we say, the Government have washed their hands of it altogether really. This harks back to my recent post about section 106 agreements - most new housing developments have an obligation to provide a percentage of affordable housing (usually 15 - 20% or so). The building of new schools is often burdened on the developers too. Developers are often obliged to contribute sizeable sums to 'local' existing amenities too - ranging from public transport to parks and play areas;

Council tax - I don't imagine that there are many people who are better off since the abolition of rates some years ago. The extra revenue must equate to many, many millions;

I'm sure there are hundreds of other charges that equate to vast sums of money going into the Government's coffers, but just what the heck are they doing with all that money?

Work experience review

2010-11-19T14:17:00.000-08:00

I've just finished my 2 weeks work experience at the planning consultancy and found it to be a most enjoyable. I'd somewhat naively thought that the role of a planning consultant was merely providing a service for those who can't be bothered to fill in planning applications, or for those who have been refused permission. Little did I know! The role is in fact very law orientated and is extremely complex at times, not least because of the different policies that each Council adopt.

The Consultancy have a number of clients who are large scale developers and the work that goes into preparing applications for large developments is enormous. Several other specialists are required to carry out surveys on various matters such as nature conservation, flooding and transport/traffic issues. By the time an application is ready to go before the Council, thousand's of hours have been put into preparing documentation. A planning refusal means that tens of thousands of pounds have been wasted. It's a costly business!

I have carried out a lot of research this week, and was very frustrated yesterday when I couldn't find any case law to shed light on a planning matter involving window openings. It was all the more embarrassing because the consultant who gave me the work isn't very trustful and tends to do all his own background preparation. The Consultancy's planning database wasn't a patch on Halsbury's, being very difficult to navigate and scant on information.

I went over to a local planning department yesterday to trace the planning history for a building plot that is the focus of a forthcoming application. The work is very dry at times and as a novice to planning, everything has taken me ages to research because I have little in the way of prior knowledge to use as a base to build upon. I had been warned beforehand that sometimes planning officers refuse to leave you alone to peruse the papers, and will sit closely watching each and every move. Thankfully, on this occasion no such close encounter arose and I was left to my own devices in a little grey cubicle, much like a Soho dirty rain mac client scrutinising the wares of a stripper.

Today I read through the case papers for a matter that is up for judicial review in the near future and was quite gleeful to notice that there were quite a few typos/grammatical errors in the statements of case. I hope that the Consultancy will keep to its word and invite me along to watch the case.

There were a couple of members of staff who I felt didn't quite take a shine to me. So I was somewhat surprised when one of them went out and bought some fancy cheeses and wine for my last lunch and the other one gave me a great big hug as I was leaving. Perhaps it was relief that they'd finally gotten rid of me:-)

Last week I felt exhausted each night because I was learning so much during the day, but this week I've had a little more energy. The 3 hours travelling each day was a bind, not least because I missed out on valuable Bar-Os spoiling time. Barman has been bringing him up home from the paddock each day and doing the feeding and mucking out etc. I have ensured that Bar-Os hasn't missed out on his daily massage and grooming routine, which takes me about an hour each evening. Horses are creatures of habit, and when Bar-Os was very poorly, I had to lace jam butties with his regular medication - the medication has ceased, but the jam butties have inexplicably remained. Each evening, last thing, I go out to the stable, give Bar-Os his butties and bed him down for the night. I was so tired on Wednesday night that Barman sent me off to bed early, promising to see to Bar-Os. I was awoken at 1am by an irate horse kicking his stable door, demanding that his slave attend to his needs (another jam butty) IMMEDIATELY. I still haven't been quite forgiven for this wanton equine neglect, but plan on grovelling for forgiveness this weekend.

So, I've learnt much about the nuts and bolts of planning and have gained an awful lot of experience in a short space of time. Time will tell whether the pupillage committees rate this pro bono activity, but I certainly do.

Oh, and I need to diet - it seems that office work doesn't burn off the calories like my day job. I admire Rumpole, but looking like him is taking things a bit too far:-)

Desk OCD and the Office Slob

2010-11-13T05:19:00.000-08:00

I work from home quite a lot - my dining room is no longer, having been converted into a sort of office. The administrative side of my work (plenty of it) is a solitary affair and I'm used to doing my own thing. So this week's working in an open plan office, with others, has been a bit strange for me.

I got into work yesterday to find that my desk had been tidied by someone else (no-one owned up to it:-)) and the little calendar that was stuck on 27th October had been moved to the correct date. I would have changed it myself, but the desk belongs to another, who's away on a sabbatical, so I didn't feel comfortable moving anything. I thought that my desk was 'comfortable' - neither too messy, nor too neat, but it seems that it required a tidy up (oh dear). I was quite pleased that the plentiful supply of food crumbs had vanished from around my chair. I don't have time for breakfast in a morning, what with taking Bar-Os to the field and semi mucking out his stable, getting changed twice (transformation from a make-upless, 3 jumpered tramp to respectable, office apparelled lady), so tend to spend the day munching on a plentiful supply of butties and anything else I can get my hands on. I eat loads compared to the others, which is a bit shameful seeing as I'm the only female and about half the size of the others, but I suppose I burn off loads of calories what with my country-girl lifestyle. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it *oink*.

The 3 bosses were out of the office attending a business meeting yesterday. One of the bosses it seems has desk OCD - everything has to be at a PERFECT right angle, PARTICULARLY THE DESK LAMP. I am informed that a whole morning's work can be interrupted by the constant tiny shifting of THE DESK LAMP. So, a bit of 'while the cat's away' ensued and the boss' desk was re-arranged, with everything moved a few inches and the previously perfectly stacked documents shuffled about a bit. I expect said boss' face will resemble that of Edvard Munch's, The Scream, when he sees his desk first thing Monday morning:-) And no, it wasn't me who did the re-arranging.

I've learnt loads in my first week and am coming to realise that planning is a very complex issue, not least because each District Council has its own policies, which need to be scrutinised to ensure that planning applications satisfy those policies. I am currently working on a planning permission refusal, which dates back a few years. The client is thinking of re-submitting an application and my job is to compare the Planning Authority's policy from a few years back to current policy. I should have made greater progress, but by 3pm yesterday afternoon my brain had gone on strike and I couldn't concentrate on the finite details of the comparative policies. Neh mind, hopefully by Monday morning I shall be revitalised?

Next week I shall be drafting a S.106 agreement for a forthcoming planning application and have my ICSL Drafting manual at the ready. I feel very rusty on all things written and hope that it will all come back to me once I get cracking. It's for a fairly large project, so I hope not to make a complete arse of myself.

The firm have been anxiously awaiting a judicial review decision which came out on Wednesday. The litigation arose from the scrapping of Regional Spatial Strategies, which provide the blueprint for housing development and policy within Districts. Planning consultancy firms rely on these regional planning frameworks to support their applications for developments, so their revocation was somewhat worrying, particularly for major developments which have been months or years in the planning process. In the absence of reliance upon Regional Spatial Strategies, the power to grant or deny planning permission would have rested solely with the local councils.

So far I'm enjoying the work, but I do miss my own work too. I hadn't realised just how much I combine my day job with doing things around the house. Barman, who has been doing my job this week, hasn't quite gotten the knack, in fact he's done bugger-all. The wash basket has gone from 'could do with putting a load of washing in', to rival that of Widow Twankey's parlour. The house is a tip. There appears to have been no progress whatsoever on any paperwork and a 262 page document which I printed off last weekend hasn't been posted off, nor has the all important invoice been sent off. It would appear that we now work pro bono! There's another 200 page document which should have been completed Thursday or Friday, which seems to be still awaiting any attention whatsoever. We've run out of printer paper and ink too. The best of it is, Barman is completely oblivious to all of this 'I've done bugger-allness' and has gone off to watch some footy with a mate. Perhaps as well, as I could secretly throttle him. No prizes for guessing what my weekend will entail.

First things first though, I must re-arrange my desk lamp:-)

Planning

2010-11-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I started my fortnight of work experience at the Planning Consultancy. I got an overview of their work in the morning and also sat in on a meeting with two consultants and two engineers, who are to prepare detailed information regarding traffic control for a forthcoming planning application. I was given a brief introduction into S.106 applications (which I'd never heard of before) and read through a fairly hefty and somewhat tedious document on 'obligations'. I'll get shot for seeing it this way, but the long and the short of it is: if you have a planning application that's a bit dodgy, offer the Council a bung and the job's a good un. Of course it's all far more formal and transparent than that, but as a newcomer to planning law, it made me feel quite uncomfortable that in certain situations a controversial planning application can be eased along the process by the offer of certain pecuniary enticements. What a cynical old bag I am:-)

In the afternoon I did some reading into a matter that the Consultancy had taken on regarding a topic close to my heart - garden extensions. I have been carrying out research on this topic for some time and was very pleased to discover that my work to date is correct.

I also looked at some model S.106 agreements. The style of drafting used is very different to that taught during BVC and the complete absence of any punctuation, save for fullstops, makes the drafts difficult to follow. I read through some background information for an appeal against an enforcement notice that the Consultancy are dealing with. Later this week I shall be drafting part of the appeal and have been searching databases for policy that supports my section of the appeal (it's thin on the ground)! I came across a case that I'd encountered before on my BVC travels, but alas, on closer inspection it doesn't help me out.

I was rather hoping to impress the Planners with my research skills, but Council planning databases are not the easiest or quickest things to research, particularly when looking for historic applications. I imagine the Planners saying "nice enough woman, but she's a bit, you know, slooooow".

The Managing Director of the firm is very knowledgeable on planning law and also has a very firm grasp of public law/judicial review and procedure. He gave me a lift into work yesterday and the journey went very quickly due to the chatter about law (not sure it went quite so quickly for him:-)). The firm have a forthcoming judicial review hearing and I have been invited along to ~~give submissions on behalf of the appellant~~ watch.

I was quite concerned that my work experience with the Consultancy wouldn't give me much exposure to planning law, but the job is (thankfully) very heavy on law, particularly policy. Due to the vast nature of property law in general, there's always something new to learn about, even for those who have been in planning for many years. The downside of the work is that it can be very tedious and dry, but I had rather expected as much.

Keen to impress, I have brought some work home with me and have the job of trying to figure out how many houses have been built in a town over the last 10 years. Not the easiest task when the information is contained in a mish mash of Council documentation and statistics.

Well, they say that a change is as good as a rest, and I'm pleased to say that I fully agree with that adage. I've learnt such a lot in the 2 days that I've been with the firm and feel that the experience will add far more to my pupillage applications than a mere box ticking exercise.

Dip-Sticks

2010-11-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

There is a saying that horses were born to make fools of men. I think that saying can be extended to horse vets too. Bar-Os has recently finished a course of anti-biotics for a bladder infection. Being a law student and all that (bit of an anorak when it comes to research), I have looked into Cauda Equina Syndrome and the associated paralysis that it causes. A common side effect is bladder weakness, with inability to empty the bladder fully, which leads to recurrent cystitis. I have a tube of dip-sticks to test Bar-Os’ urine for infection; they’re quite easy to use – dip one of em in pee, wait a bit, then compare the coloured squares to those on the side of the tube. On Friday I tested Bar-Os’ pee and it showed blood in the urine. I wasn’t exactly surprised as his urine was a very dark colour. I tested it again on Monday and it was still the same, so I rang and left a message for the vet.

Vet rang back whilst I was out and left a very condescending message on my answer-phone, explaining that the dip-sticks are very difficult to ‘read’ and that I would need to take a pee sample in. I should at this point explain that a normal reading on said dip-stick for no blood in urine is pale yellow. Bar-Os’ reading was top-end of the scale, showing a very clear, unequivocal dark green square. Vet also explained that the detailed urine analysis carried out one month ago showed no infection (in other words, I’m clearly a dip-stick who can’t read squares, or have Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy).

Anyway, when I test Bar-Os' urine at home, it’s not too difficult because he’s a bit dribbly and I only need a drop to wet the dip-stick. Vet however, wants a ‘proper’ urine sample taken in for him to dip-stick. Not too bad thought I, Bar-Os tends to pee when I first put him in the stable (nice clean bed, just begging to be urinated on). So, there I stood in the stable, in my anorak, with high viz (I have to lead him home on the road at dusk), complete with cheerful pom-pom hat and a plastic jug. I stood there for an hour, ever hopeful, pretending to be disinterested in Bar-Os' peeing apparatus. Bar-Os just kept eyeing me suspiciously. Can’t think of a better way to spend my birthday thought I (yes, that’s right, I’m 28 (again!)). The quest was fruitless, but undeterred I shall try again this evening.

Talking of being considered an idiot. I went to the Parish Council meeting on Monday. It was packed – there were 4 members of the public present. There I sat, patiently waiting for the ‘any other matters’ bit. Mr Pompous was in full swing. Resplendent in his (polyester) pin striped suit, he waxed lyrical about important matters such as the purchase of the village telephone box (£1), the Tidy Village Competition (we lost:-)), and the piece de resistance, the pot hole in the road on the outskirts of the village. It was at this point that Mr Pompous (who has a VERY posh accent) waved his arm theatrically at his vast audience and referred to us as ‘peasants’.

I should perhaps point out that Mr Pompous has form as long as your arm. He lives in a house which he says has a long sweeping drive, flagged with willow trees, a drawing room, a nursery, a morning room, as well as a snug and a lounge. Funny thing is, from the road (about 10ft away), it looks just like the other 2 bed bungalows that neighbour his property. Must be the bloody Tardis;-)

Mr Pompous just lerves the American that has purchased the Hall, so wasn’t too pleased when I brought up the nuisance caused by the fireworks. “No, you’re wrong, they’re not fireworks from the Hall, they’re from the Lodge” he said. I pointed out (through gritted teeth), that the Lodge is over a mile away, and the fireworks in question explode over the top of my house. Nope, he wouldn’t have it. Another ‘peasant’ said that she had an email from the American confirming the fireworks provenance. Mr Pompous then changed tack, saying that it wasn’t a matter for the Parish Council. “Well” said another ‘peasant’, “you were the ones that entered into the agreement with the American allowing 6 – 8 displays per year”. The childish response was that the fireworks are the ‘quiet’ ones that cause no noise and he knew that because he had never heard them.

I pointed out that there was a compromise to be had out of this – the Hall stands in substantial grounds with a lake, ideal as a firework backdrop, which is situated well away from the residential part of the village. Mr Pompous snorted that if I thought I could do anything, I’d better think again because Environmental Health wouldn’t entertain my complaint. Watch this effing space, thought I, whilst smiling at him serenely, in a village peasant sort of way.

How to make myself attractive to chambers?

2010-10-23T03:32:00.000-07:00

I thought that my pro bono efforts were ok, pretty good in fact. Two years in crime related pro bono, one in civil. But having failed to secure a pupillage this year, I must re-invent myself into something more attractive to chambers. To this end I'm going to work for a planning consultancy for a few weeks. They are a respected firm that have taken on some diverse projects over the years, some of them quite controversial. I know the MD from many years ago when he started the firm and sent him an email pleading for some help. Surprisingly he contacted me the following day with an offer (I think luck had something to play in this because they are about to lose a graduate member of staff, who is off on a sabatical).

It will be nice to have a change of scenery and routine for a while and I'm hoping to learn something of the nuts and bolts of planning. The MD is a poacher turned gamekeeper, having worked as a senior planning officer before setting up his own business many years ago. He's a nice chap too and has offered to drive me into work for the first day, so that I can suss out the best route. I just hope that my claims of making a fabulous cup of coffee weren't taken too seriously, or I could be out on my ear by the end of the first day.

So, if that lot fails, it's a case of investing in some industrial strength botox, industrial strength big (grab your flab and tuck it in) pants and a boob job.

Bar-Os had a visit from an equine physiotherapist yesterday. She started by massaging his neck and back - his response would rival that of Meg Ryan from THAT scene in When Harry Met Sally. However, his evident 'oh my God, that is sooooo good baby, do it summore' was rudely interupted when she started inflicting slaps. The startled look on his face set me off in a fit of giggles. S & M doesn't float my boy's boat it seems. No pain, no gain I guess?

Have a good weekend - ttfn.

An explanation is required

2010-10-14T02:54:00.000-07:00

Bar-Os' paddock is on the outskirts of the village, tucked away down a lane that is lined with hawthorn. It's quite peaceful down the lane and no-one walks there much. So, there I was, in the paddock 'sorting out' Bar-Os. I usually take him into the field shelter, but as he was settled by the fence, talking to the mare in the adjacent field, I decided not to disturb him. A bucket full of freshly 'picked' manure later, I turned to take said manure to the muck heap, when I noticed Raspberry Ripples walking UP the lane with her dog. So, that meant that she must have walked DOWN the lane a few moments earlier.

Oh dear thought I, an explanation is required. I sauntered over to the gate and casually mentioned that Bar-Os was poorly. "Aye" said Raspberry Ripples, "I saw you with your hand up his bum".

There's more...

The lane also has a slight bend in it, just before Bar-Os' paddock, which means that in Summertime, when the hedge is in full leaf, I can't see Bar-Os until I'm almost at his field. To let him know that I'm on my way down the lane I usually shout various terms of endearment to him. He whickers in return and (usually) makes his way to the gate to be brought home for the night. Anyway, on this particular occasion I shouted "Now then, you gorgeous big chap, you coming to bed?". At this point in time I was somewhat surprised to notice a man appearing from around the bend about 10 metres away. But the man was even more surprised than me, I could tell by the terrified look on his face. An explanation is required thought I. "I was talking to my horse" said I. Man looked even more worried and scuttled up the lane pronto. Funnily enough, I haven't seen him since.

On a more tasteful note, I'm missing law. I know, it's a sad confession, but having gotten sick of studying towards the end of BVC, two months or so on I'm missing my legal studies. Not that I'd want to go back to studying that is, but a pupillage would be an ideal antidote. Day job is busy, but I'm bored and restless and yearn to put my studies to good use.

The hotel at the back of my house had another very noisy firework display last weekend and to add insult to injury, they also set about burning a load of rubbish at the back of my house last Sunday. I got back home to discover my upstairs rooms full of smoke. Needless to say, they are now ~~pissing me off~~ upsetting me, and I intend to take matters further. The Environmental Health people have been a waste of time, "Fireworks don't constitute a statutory noise nuisance". My letter of response has, to date, been ignored, but I shall keep badgering them to do something. This is all avoidable, after all, the hotel stands in about 20 acres, much of the land is away from the village, so the fireworks could be set off away from the residential area. But worry not, the ~~Village idjuts/Busybodies~~ Parish Council are taking an interest and are having a meeting in November. Bet that's put the fear of God into the hoteliers;-)

It's more exciting than the Archers innit!

Not a wheelie bin, not a cat, but nearly

2010-09-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

I am an eternal optimist and still have a scout around the paddock in the hope that Bar-Os has managed to right himself and is back to normal in the bum department. I do find the odd dropping or two and thought I'd spotted one in the field shelter. As I went with bucket and trowel to scoop up said dropping, I was somewhat startled by the fact that it moved! Upon closer inspection, said dropping was in fact a rather large hedgehog. As it was time to take Bar-Os home for the evening, I left the hedgehog where I'd found him, knowing that Bar-Os wouldn't accidentally tread on him.

The next day I found the same large hedgehog upside down in the hay partition of the field shelter and told Barman that it must have been poorly and had obviously crawled into the field shelter to die. Barman set about digging a hole in the paddock to bury the poor thing. He scooped up the corpse and put it next to the place where he was digging. Having now dug a decent sized, deep hole in which to place the hedgehog, Barman scooped the hedgehog onto the shovel, ready for the burial. Hedgehog wriggled his toes!

It would appear that the hedgehog had tried to climb onto a bale of hay, fell over backwards, got stuck and played dead when it heard us coming.

Nearly!

Seemed like a good idea...

2010-09-15T09:29:00.000-07:00

Best friend is getting married next week. The wedding has been organised on a shoe-string, so BF has set about being 'creative'. All the guests have to wear fancy dress, the theme being Hollywood movies. So far there are several Marilyn Monroe's, a Clint Eastwood, a Mary Poppins and muggins here is thinking of being Uma Thurman as she appeared in Pulp Fiction, with Barman as Vincent Vega/John Travolta.

It gets worse...

BF decided that the ladies are to do a dance routine. Ten of her favourite songs (all cheesy). I've just about cracked the first bit, but with nine left to master I'm in a panic, not least because my knees are creaking and my back aches:-) The Thriller section looks cool, but things go downhill fast and the Armand Van Helden section looks like something out of a very low budget porno. And as for the Footloose bit, it's a pitiful sight.

On a different note, I didn't hear back from the hoteliers regarding the fireworks, so following a very noisy firework display on Saturday night, I got in touch with Environmental Health. My previous dealings with the 'back of beyond' local authority haven't been at all worthwhile, so I fully expected a battle. I was pleasantly surprised! Having explained that Bar-Os has been poorly on several occasions and that the fireworks are but a stone's throw away from his stable and are terrifying him, the lady on the end of the phone said that a letter would be sent to the hotel forthwith and if things haven't improved in 28 days, I should get back in touch with the reference number provided and they will take matters further. I'm not holding my breath, but there's a glimmer of hope.

My parents haven't been so lucky with the local authority. Following a long running saga with the LA and a neighbour, over a previously unauthorised change of use of agricultural land to garden, the LA have granted retrospective planning consent, despite the neighbour's garden extension contravening much, if not all, of the region's policy on garden extensions. It looks as though the matter should have gone before the Planning Committee, but it didn't and was granted under delegated Planning Officer powers. As far as I know, the only avenue open to my parents is Judicial Review, and they just don't want the hassle and expense involved in the JR process. How frustrated I feel. Having spent 8 years studying law, there's nothing much I can do to help them. And even more annoying is the fact that some snotty woman at the LA wrote and told my parents that my carefully drafted letter was incorrect and Halsbury's Laws definition of 'agricultural land' was wrong.

Last Sunday I took Bar-Os on another trespassing expedition across a particularly large stubble field, got back home early evening, washed him down and sat in the garden supping coffee. Bar-Os was busy 'mowing' the garden (I know, but it's quite normal in the country, honest), when I saw a plume of thick, jet black smoke just over the hotel. There is a God thought I, then realised that the smoke was coming from further away, from the direction of my paddock! Barman went to investigate, only to find the Fire Brigade, many cars and several locals in situ. The locals had gone to rescue Bar-Os, bless em, not realising that he was munching away on my lawn (if you can call it that!), oblivious to all the fuss.

The owner of the field next to mine had decided to set fire to a couple of caravans which they used to use for storage. Following an early morning fright, when neighbour discovered half a dozen hungover teenagers squatting in one of the caravans, it was decided that the best thing to do was to get rid of them (the caravans that is:-)). Tell you what, looking at the large blackened area of grass where the fire took place, I reckon my neighbours got more than they bargained for when they struck the match.

Fraudulent and deaf, but chuffed!

2010-09-10T13:57:00.000-07:00

Well, what can I say! Winner of the Best Design Blawggie, yay! Of course the brilliance and accolade is all ~~mine, mine, mine~~ Andro's, who gave Barmaid a much needed face lift earlier this year. Ta Andro, any chance you can also fix it for me to get a pupillage? Oh well, it was worth asking anyway:-)

Been a bit busy this week and haven't seen much news. Barman was talking to me and said "Have you heard the news about that vicar who's gonna burn a thousand grans this weekend?"

"No" said I, wondering where a vicar would find a thousand grans at such short notice; particularly ones willing to be burnt. It was only when I was listening to the radio earlier today that I realised I'd mis-heard Barman.

Thanks to everyone who voted for my blog, it's cheered me up no end. Have a good weekend.

I don't very think so!

2010-09-05T04:41:00.000-07:00

I'm busy over the next few weeks and will be working some funny hours, which has led to a dilemma. Big Boy's Bum. As you may have read in my previous posts, Bar-Os has partial paralysis of his rear end, so needs help in that department - help several times a day as it happens, because horses go about 8 - 12 times a day. Barman, who is secretly looking for a scive off work, has volunteered to 'do' Big Boy's Bum.

Yesterday got off to a poor start and I wasn't quite sure whether Barman was going to faint or not, and that was before we'd even got started! So today he decided to have another go.

Some of my favourite books are the James Herrriot vet stories, one of them is called If Only They Could Talk. Well let me tell you, the look on Bar-Os' face as Barman approached with sleeve rolled up, orange gloved and gelled up to the elbow, said it all -'I don't very think so buster'. There was much huffing and puffing on Barman's part, lots of soothing words from me (to Bar-Os of course:-)) and very little progress! Eventually I took over the reins, so to speak, more out of pity than anything else. I have a funny feeling that I won't be hanging up the lubrication gel just yet. Men eh!

In accordance with the vets advice, I have continued riding Bar-Os and he's in fine form, so much so that I mis-laid the brakes the other day. The fields are mostly clear of crops now and some of them haven't been ploughed yet, so I have been busy trespassing on the stubble fields and exploring new locations. A bit of new territory always gives Bar-Os a spring in his step and it's nice to see him enjoying himself. The faster exercise seems to help in the bum department too, as he's managing to go to the loo himself a few times a day.

So, that's enough about rectums! I haven't got a pupillage yet, but have a couple of applications outstanding. One is provincial and local, the other in London, both are entirely different to one another, but each look interesting. Having gotten through the Situational Judgement Test with the GLS, I went onto fail the following psychometric test thingy. It's obviously not my thing, as I failed the same type of test last year. I feel very thick!

I now have to sort out an email (which I've been meaning to do all week) to the hotel at the back of my house. The hotel featured on one of those trouble-shooting programmes last year and is owned by a pair of clueless, absentee, Americans. Having spent over £6m on the place, it stands mostly empty. The health spa is unfinished, the restaurant is unfinished, the kitchen is no larger than a decent domestic one, yet is meant to be able to cater for hundreds? The only activities which take place are weddings and parties, which are run by outside caterers and which brings me to the email. In their wisdom, the hoteliers offer firework displays, the 'industrial' ones that are loud, very loud, and are right at the back of Bar-Os' stable. Poor lad is terrified every weekend, refuses to eat or drink and then gets colic. I've had 2 weekend vet visits due to the said fireworks and am just about fed up with it all, not least the hefty bills that accompany the vet visits. So, I'm getting myself psyched up to rattle off a snotty letter and just hope that something will be done about it. A few other villagers with pets are also complaining, so I'm not alone in my plight, but it's very annoying that people can be so thoughtless about these things and have to be told time and again... I did stand and watch some Chinese lanterns going over, from the hotel, a few weeks back when the ground was dry and full of crops. I can't imagine that the local farmers will take lightly to those and I did notice one or two lanterns burning up and falling into the nearby fields. I can see an opening here, a Chinese lantern and firework litigation specialist, mm, bet there aren't many of those around!

Anyway, that's enough moaning from me, I'm going to ~~clean the house~~ have a kip and go for a hack later. What a gorgeous day:-)

The Pupillage Fairy and (non) Flying Pigs

2010-08-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in my previous post, Bar-Os is poorly. His digestive system isn't working as well as it should and he's had a few bouts of mild colic. He's not really one to suffer in silence and stamps his feet if he needs 'the slave' (me) to attend - this has meant that I've had quite a few disturbed nights. On Wednesday night, I awoke at 1am to hear him stamping, did a quick check and went back to bed. At 4 am he was stamping his feet again, so I went back out, only to find that he was staring out of his window looking quite worried. I assumed that a local cat had startled him and thought nothing more of it. I gave him a jam butty laced with 'bute' pain-killer just in case he had a mild colic and crawled back to bed.

The next evening I was very tired. I thought I heard squealing at the back of Bar-Os' stable, but put it down to tiredness and an over active imagination on my part. On Friday, I went to get Bar-Os in from the paddock and lo and behold, there were 2 pigs munching away on a neighbours lawn. There was no-one else in sight and the pigs were making their way towards the road, so I decided to do the decent thing and try to get them to safety. Mmm, it would appear that pigs have a mind of their own and don't take lightly to being ushered around. Cars were passing by and the occupants were looking both bewildered and amused as I smiled sheepishly and shrugged my shoulders at the mayhem the porkies were causing. One driver scowled meanly at me and pursed his lips. "It's not my bloody fault; they're not mine" I said. Eventually the piggies made their way up a drive towards a crab apple tree, where they happily munched their way through the windfalls, pausing only to have a scrap amongst themselves over the spoils on offer. To be honest, I was quite relieved to discover that I wasn't going mad when I thought I'd heard squealing, and that the pigs had been going awol for several days on the trot (or should that be trotter). Poor Bar-Os must have woken from his slumber to see piggies parading past his stable and had stamped his feet for the slave to make them go away.

To date, I haven't managed to get a pupillage, but have sent off a few non-olpas applications; one to a chambers where I've recently done a mini-pupillage - time will tell whether they liked me or not. I have also gotten through to a second round on-line process for another pupillage and did an on-line test earlier today. Goodness me, 6 years of LLB, 2 years of BVC, and we still have to do tests to see if we are really fik or not. I'm entered for the 2012 Olympic Games for the Jumping Through Hoops competition. I must admit that when I finished BVC I was sick of the sight of law, but my interest in it has re-emerged and I really do want a pupillage; along with several thousand others unfortunately!

Day job is busy, which is just as well, as I seem to be keeping the vet in the style to which he has become accustomed. No matter how well I try to plan my finances, it always seems to be the case that the unexpected empties my bank account. Oh well, the weather has been lovely and I've much to be grateful for.

Sad Times

2010-08-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

Oh well, I might as well tell you - Bar-Os is very ill.

He hasn't been 'right' for some time and I've made excuses not to ride him because I just felt that there was something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Family members told me that I was worrying over nothing - his coat was shiny, his eyes bright, good appetite, no weight loss, no obvious signs of pain... But he was a little too well behaved for my liking, like he couldn't be quite bothered to be his usual cheeky self. Of course the warm weather seemed a likely cause of his laid back attitude and the flies have been awful this year...

He was well behaved with the farrier and there was no sign of the usual (effortless on Bar-Os' part) tug of war with the arrogant apprentice, who somehow thinks he's stronger than a horses back leg!

Anyway, following his breakfast last Thursday he went down with colic. I called the vet out and she tentatively diagnosed Cauda Equina Syndrome - it was something that she'd read about in the text books, but had never seen for herself. 2 more vets looked him over and it is more or less confirmed that he has CES. The second vet said that he'd seen 2 cases during his many years in practice, both fatal. The third vet seemed slightly more optimistic, but by no means certain that it won't get worse. The disease seems to often be caused by some other illness or infection and it kinda kicks in as an aftershock - it's a bit like M.E. I suppose, but causes paralysis of the 'rear end', along with lethargy. Spinal injury can also cause CES, but he's had no tumbles and the vet couldn't find any sore spots along his back. His blood count shows no raised white cell count, but he has a mild anaemia.

At the moment the paralysis hasn't spread to his back legs, but he has a limp tail, a weak bladder and can't pooh by himself (I have a plentiful supply of shoulder length disposable gloves and lubrication gel - I'll leave you to guess the rest). In order to save his dignity, we have told all of his equine friends that as a (putative) barrister's horse, he's far too posh to push.

Anyways, I'm sorry that this post couldn't be more entertaining, but it feels quite cathartic to share the worry.

The Fly and Other Annoying Things

2010-07-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

Today I have paperwork to catch up on, so I'm chained to the desk, which is all very well except a fly keeps buzzing around my face and landing on me. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Bar-Os had company last night, a racing pigeon nestled on his window sill and remained there for several hours resting. The two seemed to get along just fine. Barman decided that pigeon needed a drink, so took it a BUCKET of water, accompanied by a massive bowl full of wild bird seed. Pigeon glared at Barman and ignored his hospitality.

BVC seems ages ago. Most of what I learnt is forgotten. I thought this was an age thing, but all of my group share the same amnesia and even the most simple procedural matters are a mystery (Part Thirtywhat?).

As for pupillage, well, after a promising start, matters have taken a nose-dive and I am currently seeking Cilla's help for the Bar, Blind Date Competition:

"No, the fact that you can wheelbarrow 39 horse droppings across the paddock to the muck heap without fainting once will NOT impress Chambers, and will NOT show that you have the necessary drive and determination to succeed at the Bar".

Back to the drawing board on that bit of the form then?

"No, the fact that you won at poker and made Barman stand on the wall outside your house singing All Things Bright and Beautiful at FULL BLAST will NOT demonstrate your killer negotiation skills"

Back to the drawing board on that bit of the form then? (It was really funny though).

"No, no, no, NO, the fact that you are known to use double or even treble expletives, to express emotion does NOT demonstrate exceptional advocacy skills".

Back to the *$^£@?&! %&*!!* drawing board on that bit of the form then?

On the plus side, my day-job is looking very busy for August through to October, which is just as well seeing as BVC drained my finances.

On a slightly dodgy note, I have taken somehow to looking at the local(ish) property auction listings and have somehow been formulating figures as to:

a) how I can afford to buy a property at auction, to do-up, when I'm skint;

b) how I can manage to turn a profit on said property when the market is well and truly *&%$£!.

p.s. Don't tell Barman about the last bit, he'll have a hissy fit.

p.p.s. Don't tell bank or anyone about the last bit, they'll have a hissy fit.

ttfn

Twas the night before...

2010-07-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

...~~Christmas~~ BVC results, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (well, except for Barman who's watching the footy).
The lucky mascots were hung by the pc with care,
In hope that the pupillage fairy would soon be there.

Bar-Os was nestled all snug in his bed,
Whilst visions of being a 'barrister's ors' danced in his head.
And Barmaid in her kerchief and Barman in his cap (well, we are yokels),
Had just settled down for a Summertime nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Barmaid sprang from her bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, she flew like a flash,
Tore open the IKEA curtains and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen dew,
Gave a lustre like diamonds, such a beautiful hue.
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
Not the pupillage fairy, but hope, consternation, anticipation and fear.

There it was gone

2010-05-24T00:58:00.000-07:00

That’s it then. I don’t think it’s quite sunk in yet.

Three lots of results to wait for – one in June, two in July.

After the Advanced Crime exam, I had a walk up to Ede and Ravenscroft and looked in the window. I will need to buy a shirt and bands for Call, but I’m not going to tempt fate and purchase them just yet. No harm in looking though.

The emotions were running a little high last week and on the train back home best friend rang and I’m ashamed to say that I sobbed. Not really sure why, but probably something to do with being tired. It was very embarrassing and I sat dabbing away tears and pretending to sneeze so that it looked like I had hay fever – I don’t think anyone on the crowded 5.30 was fooled!

Best wishes to everyone who has finished, or is about to finish BVC.

I wonder if we'll get any pupillage interviews?

7 days and counting

2010-05-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

I can't quite believe it. Just one more week and that's it! I have a busy week ahead of me preparing for the Advanced Criminal Litigation exam.

There is a pot of paint at the ready for next week, when I might just get around to painting the front door, which was sanded down last Autumn, but somehow never got finished. I hope that front doors don't have feelings, as every time I look at it I mutter "bloody mess". I'm sure if front door could speak, it would utter something quite similar in return:-)

There's also a stack of folders in the corner of the dining room that need sorting out - BVC makes for a lot of paperwork. I think a bigger bookcase is required.

Details for Call arrived a few days ago, so I have to sort out gown hire etc. I must also get around to doing some more dining!

I took Bar-Os out for a ride today. When I brought him in from the paddock he had a big insect bite on his belly, so I couldn't put the saddle on him because the girth would have rubbed against the bite. I had to ride bareback and by the time I'd finished, my legs ached so much that I struggled to dismount. I think the Spring grass has expanded his waistline a tad! Either that or I'm getting old!

Good luck to everyone on their final push towards the finishing line. I think we all deserve a pat on the back, or perhaps some new shoes.

The Finishing Line(ish)

2010-05-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

I'm on the last lot of SGS homework for BVC and it's taking ages. I should be far further on, but my brain has slowed down, somewhat prematurely, to a snail's pace.

This coming weekend is the last BVC study weekend, but I shall have to go back to 'school' towards the end of May for the Options exams. I'm hoping that my work rate speeds up a little for the last fortnight otherwise I shall be struggling.

I have mixed feelings about finishing BVC. On the one hand I'm more than ready for a break from study, on the other, I shall miss the friends that I've made during BVC and the camaraderie that exists within my group. Although I have mentioned this before, I cannot stress how lucky I've been to be part of a nice group. Various tutors along the way have said how nice my group was, but I took it all with a pinch of salt until witnessing at first hand the bitchiness and childish antics of some other groups. I don't suppose such behaviour has much effect on the written skills performance of a student, since most of it is completed away from class, but I'm almost certain that the effect on the oral skills could be quite dramatic. It's not that myself (and my group) haven't laughed at the faux pas of others, but the laughter is shared and open and without malice.

On a similar note, I had expected a good many of the barristers and judges that I have met during extra curricular activities to live up to the steriotypical Bar persona of arrogance and coldness. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, quite a few of the barristers have chips on their shoulders, but that goes with the territory, and it is all very much tongue in cheek. Once the ice has been quickly broken, I have been met with kindness, patience, understanding and warmth.

Post BVC, I have a few irons in the fire that may come to something, or may not. Time will tell? For now I want to complete my studies and catch up on some work and play (and decorating!). A proper Summer would be nice, with that big yellow thing in the sky smiling down, but maybe that's asking for too much. Oh, and I'd also like a pupillage please.

Not too much too ask, is it? :-)

Good Luck

2010-04-27T01:46:00.000-07:00

Good Luck to all who are awaiting their BVC exam results today:-)

Pupillage Applications

2010-04-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I've done 7 of em so far, 5 more OLPAS to go, plus the non-OLPAS applications.

I've set out my application details differently this year and eagerly await Chambers falling over themselves to invite me to interview (well, a girl can always dream:-)).

This month's homework is very much on the back burner and I haven't even looked at it yet - not even a little peep! My day job's been busy and what with the above applications, there's been no time for BVC. Just as well this is the last month.

So, I've got 4 Options classes to prepare for (2 classes for each Option) and then I have just 2 weeks to prepare for the final 2 exams. And then that's it!

What comes after that little lot? Your guess is as good as mine at the moment. My day job needs some tlc, as does the house, the garden, Barman, friends, relatives, paperwork...

And how embarassing for poor Bar-Os! He's told all of his mates down the field that he's 'a barrister's ors' in a VERY LOUD voice, DAILY, and now he may have to capitulate on his somewhat premature statement of (non) fact. Suppose we could always emigrate and save the poor lad the shame of it all. Either that, or I take to walking him down to the paddock in a wig and gown each morning, just to keep up the pretence for a while longer:-)

The Olpasiformia Nervosa has not yet re-appeared and I feel strangely unconcerned about the whole pupillage thing this time around. Last year I got a little bit OTT with it all, not least because of the lovely Midlands Chambers that rejected me a total of 38 times. Needless to say, I gave them a miss this year:-) My view this time is that I've done my best, so what's meant to be will be.

Having had a very busy time last Summer, I didn't really get a break. I had a lot of catching up to do on my day job, plus I made an early start on Civil and Criminal Litigation, so that I could manage my workload a bit better. In retrospect, I should have taken a couple of weeks off from both work and study, because by the time September came, I was washed out. Anyway, I kept myself going on a diet of self-pity, coffee and chocolate and here I am, half a stone heavier and nearly at the end of BVC.

Just one question remains. What am I going to do when I grow up?

Nice?

2010-04-13T03:29:00.000-07:00

As you well know bloggers, I am extremely smitten with Bar-Os and like nothing more than a leisurely afternoon riding about the local highways, by-ways and bridleways, particularly when the weather is nice.

There is a particular ride that I am only able to do at certain times of year, due to the nature of the landscape. The ride starts out along a village lane, then across a farm track and down the side of a wood, before entering the side of a field for a few hundred metres and then comes the tricky bit. There is a grass track that runs between 2 hedgerows, but the track is only a couple of metres wide and is very boggy when there has been rain (hence I’m only able to ride along the track in good weather).

Anyway, the narrow track eventually opens out at the base of a very steep hill, which is flanked either side by trees that overhang the hill, giving it an enchanted forest kind of look. The hill path is nothing more than a dirt track, with the odd bit of rubble laid down to help with grip. Due to the extreme gradient, no-one ventures along there much because it’s very difficult to walk down (due to the slippery surface) and even more difficult to walk up because it’s just so steep. It is very peaceful and very beautiful.

Once you get to the top of the hill, there is a little narrow lane that is one of the most exclusive addresses in the county. There are only 4 houses along there, each worth double the amount of what a similar house anywhere else locally would fetch, but the village itself is extremely quaint and pretty, hence the high price tags.

I love riding down the lane because it gives me a chance to be extremely nosey. I have a bird’s eye view into the gardens and the houses beyond, which, needless to say, are all immaculately kept and very salubrious. One of the houses is substantially bigger than the rest and is owned by a barrister – obviously a very successful one at that.

So, anyway, I’m approaching the big barrister’s house, having a good old look over the wall at the topiary bushes and perfectly raked gravel driveway when I see the barrister wandering down the driveway. He comes to a stop at the edge of his drive and is looking to see where the clip-clop of hooves is coming from.

Upon approach to the barrister and being an amenable sort, I say to said barrister “Nice day”.

Barrister replies, “Nice arse”.

“Oh!” said I, somewhat taken aback by his somewhat forthright comment (but secretly triumphant that my obviously overwhelming sex appeal had driven him to say what was exactly on his mind).

Bar-Os and I sauntered past and we were now approaching the slippery road that leads off the lane, so I had to concentrate really hard on looking out and listening for traffic and my mind left the brief encounter that I had just had with the posh barrister.

Some time later, I was sat having a coffee and my mind returned to the conversation and there was something just not quite right. You see when the barrister said “nice arse” he wasn’t looking directly at me, but more at Bar-Os. Surely he wasn’t making a pass at Bar-Os? I mean, he is gorgeous and all that, but I don’t think for one minute he’d fall for a cheap one liner like that (unlike his mother, unless of course there was a packet of mints involved in the foreplay in which case he’s anybody’s).

The penny dropped a few minutes later – posh barrister – posh accent – “nice horse” is what he’d said.

Silly arse me!

The Portal

2010-04-06T06:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly brimming over with enthusiasm at the prospect of pupillage applications, but I have made a start and filled in the first few bits of the PP form. Maybe this evening I'll have another stab at it and fill in a bit more. How ridiculous I feel, having submitted countless essays during LLB, many Opinions and other odds and sods during BVC, I still find myself at a loss for words when it comes to writing about myself. The less is more ethos with regard to PP applications is a blessing!

As yet, I haven't made a proper start on the Options homework, but intend to make some progress this week. ASBO's and Road Traffic Offences are this months topics for Advanced Criminal Litigation. There is still another 3 weeks or so to wait for the 5 exam results for Negotiation, Advocacy 2 & 3, Opinion Writing and Drafting and as always, the results are playing on my mind.

The BVC tidying up process continues and I have a couple of supervised court visits to complete. I did the other 2 unsupervised court visits fairly early on in the course, but somehow couldn't find time to do the supervised visits. I have also to sort out the feedback forms from my oral skills classes and copy them for inclusion in my Personal Development File, which has to be handed in at the next study weekend. There are some bits of Drafting to go in there too and a report on my pro bono work, along with mini write-ups on the 4 court visits undertaken.

Although I shall miss the study weekends and the friends that I have made during BVC, I can't wait to finish BVC and catch up on all the things that have been neglected for the past 2 years. The house needs some tlc and my day job has been neglected too, so I have plenty of tasks lined up for June and a mini pupillage to undertake too. I also hope to do some marshalling, which should have taken place last Christmas, but my Inn let me down.

So the gentle trot to the finishing line is more like a mad scramble, but that's BVC for you:-)

Big Pants

2010-03-30T00:29:00.000-07:00

The big day came and I felt mighty fine. The Advocacy 3 exam was upon me and I was well prepared, confident and ready to go. Got an early train so that I'd have plenty of time for delays and coffee and a final glance at the brief. So, 30 minutes before the oral exam I'm called into a room, given my last minute instructions, which were fairly predictable and everything was going exactly to plan. That is until 10 minutes before the oral exam when the nerves kicked in good and proper. I just couldn't get my breath and my mind blanked. I shuffled and re-shuffled my papers, looked at my notes, tried to do the deep breathing thing, but nothing worked.

Examiner came to collect me and I went into the room where I was to do the exam. Had a bit of a chat with the actor and the examiner before starting and luckily I calmed down a bit and managed to find my voice. I'm certain that it wasn't my best performance, but it wasn't my worst either. Time will tell?

Now it is a matter of waiting for the results.

On Saturday I had the Advanced Crime classes and although I hate to admit it, the module just isn't floating my boat at the moment. The first class covered abuse of process applications and the second class covered proceeds of crime and confiscation orders.

So, I just have 2 study weekends remaining, plus the final study weekend when I have the 2 options exams.

This week I intended to have a break from BVC, but brain thinks otherwise! On Sunday night I couldn't sleep and re-runs of the exam kept going through my head - then when I did finally get to sleep, I kept waking up in a panic because I was dreaming about sodding BVC. Yesterday I was really busy with my day job, so my mind was distracted from studies, but last night the dreams returned. I don't think I've ever dreamt about BVC before, but for the last 2 nights I've sat countless exams, encountered every random problem that could ever arise (as they do in dreams), had arguments with the witness, the examiner, other students, you name it, I dreamt about it.

I think that there is a bottle of single malt in the kitchen with my name on it for this evening's bedtime beverage. Strictly for medicinal purposes of course.

I suppose I ought to be thinking about OLPAS, but I'm not. Haven't done anything towards preparing for applications. Maybe tomorrow...

Some people! And exams

2010-03-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

I'm not one for hoarding stuff, so do like to have a good clear out of 'junk' when Barman isn't looking.

A few years ago I found a really useful website for offloading excess 'junk'. The thing is, it's meant to be taken in the spirit of give and take, a point which seems to have been completely overlooked by a recent visitor to the site. Their offering was an empty Quality Street tin. Oh, and they also posted a wanted ad for a few bits and bobs that they required:

a) A ride-on mower (in good working order);

b) 2 x 3 seater leather sofas (only the really comfy squishy kind), brown and in excellent condition.

And if that wasn't cheeky enough, they also asked for them to be delivered:-) All completely free of charge of course.

Back to school this weekend and the final compulsory BVC exam - the third Advocacy exam. It's been a bit like pulling teeth trying to raise any enthusiasm at all for the work and given that it's only just over a week ago that I had the Negotiation and Advocacy 2 exams, I'm still fretting over them and the likely grade that I am to receive.

Although most of the exams are completed, there's still the small matter of results. Most are out at the end of April, just one in June and the 2 Options exams results are out in July. So, even though most exams are done and dusted, I haven't much idea at this point what result I shall get. To date I have just 5 results under my belt, with a further 8 results in total to follow. There are delays with some of the results and I hope for the sake of my sanity that those delays don't stretch too far into the future. Something tells me that I shall be a jelly fish at the end of April if/when the results are released.

I did think at the time that I commenced BVC, that it was a good idea to have continual exams throughout the course; little did I know what stress those continual exams would cause. Maybe after this weekend I shall feel a little more relaxed about it all?

Oh well, onwards and upwards, and good luck to everyone in the same boat as me this weekend.

I'm not one to gossip, but...

2010-03-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

It's a strange phenomenon, but whenever I get a bit stressed the electrical appliances in the house tend to go a bit haywire. Usually it's just the odd bulb or two blowing. Last week was particularly stressful, mostly due to impending exams. I'm not really one for talking things over and tend to bottle things up a bit, so I guess all the energy has to dissipate through some channel?

Anyway, best friend called round for a cuppa just before the weekend and I had a particularly salacious piece of gossip to impart. BF is quite loud and there was much "No, you're kidding, when was that?" etc. The gossip entailed the extra marital goings on of a neighbour, who I'd espied with my own eyes, up to no good. So, that was the end of that gossip session, BF went home and Barman arrived home in the evening. All perfectly normal village life.

A little later on that evening, I nipped outside and was surprised that I could hear Barman's telephone conversation being transmitted to the village. I went back inside and told him what I could hear, so he hot footed it outside, whilst I stood in lounge talking. Yup, sure enough, what I was saying in the lounge was being heard loud and clear outside. Turns out that our security system had somehow gone into overdrive and was picking up sound from the lounge and transmitting it outside. So, bloggers, my salacious piece of top secret gossip had been transmitted not only to best friend, but also to all and sundry within a stone's throw of my house. Needless to say, I've kept a low profile in the village this week:-)

Since then, the kettle has blown up, the hob has fused and a radio that we never use was blasting out on Saturday morning when Barman got back from dropping me off at the train station. Today I avoided using the vacuum cleaner and the washing machine (no change there then:-)) Ooh er!

Same but Different

2010-03-15T03:27:00.000-07:00

Well, that's another 2 exams ticked off the list.

There's a theme emerging here. The last 4 exams have all been quite different to the work that we have come across in the BVC classes. The Drafting and Opinion Writing were different. As was the Negotiation and the Advocacy. Come to think of it, the Civil MCT wasn't exactly familair territory either.

Something tells me that provider wants to see that we can 'think outside of the box' (I know, I hate the expression too but couldn't think of an alternative). The thing is and in a nutshell, we can't. We enjoy being comforted each month by the predictable nature of the classes; it makes us feel quite clever; almost like we know what we are doing. And then they go and spoil it all by ~~saying something stupid like I love you~~ giving us a different type of THING for the exam. It's not big and it's not clever, so stop it. Don't you know that the most important thing about being a barrister is being a pompous know it all (who knows nowt)?

As you may have guessed, today I feel both shaken AND stirred by recent events.

Not sure when the results are out; there are delays (and as far as I'm concerned, the longer the better).

Enjoyed my Options classes, but felt a bit of a space cadet because my mind was on the exams. It didn't go unnoticed by one tutor, who expects more next time. Don't we all:-)

So, just 1 more compulsory exam and 2 options exams and hey presto, that's it, unless of course there are any fails and subsequent re-takes. No rest for the wicked at the moment. There's quite a bit of work to do for the next classes in 2 weeks, and of course, the last of the compulsory exams - advocacy 3, which is cross-examination.

I definitely don't feel myself today, if only I were American I could seek therapy, but alas I shall have to make do with chatting things over with Bar-Os this evening.

Next Week

2010-03-04T04:47:00.000-08:00

Next week, I have two important oral exams. Yesterday I felt a bit shivery. This morning I woke up feeling quite dodgy, my throat is very sore and I’ve got the snuffles. I thought I’d done really well to get through the Winter without a cold; suppose it was too good to last! I do have a habit of losing my voice when I’ve got lady flu. Oh well, it could be worse, my best friend has had a week of galloping sickness and the other, so I guess a croaky voice and red nose is better than projectile vomiting in the direction of the witness during examination-in-chief! BF called round for a coffee yesterday and I gave her ‘the mug that nobody likes’ just to make sure that the bug didn’t leap down my throat during subsequent coffee quaffing.

This afternoon is earmarked as Negotiation research/preparation time, but then so was yesterday afternoon and Sunday evening… Mmm, I think there is a problem with motivation.

My Inn has sent a confirmation for my call date. I’m really looking forward to it, not least because it will spell an end to 8 long years of studying. I’ve quite a bit of dining left to do before my qualifying sessions box is ticked. Living in the back of beyond makes dining a time consuming effort because of the associated travelling. I did consider asking the Inn if I could dine at a local hostelry instead and send pictures of proof that I ate all my vegetables, but thought better of it.

I prepared my notes for the Advocacy exam a while back, but haven’t had a practice run at it yet. Barman will have the dubious pleasure of, yet again, being a witness for me this weekend. My next door neighbour has also ~~been coerced~~ volunteered to assist, so that’s another bottle of wine to buy.

So, that just leaves the small matter of completing the next 3 compulsory exams + the 2 Options exams and… oh, what was it, er, I’m sure there’s something else, um, oh yes, I’ve remembered, a pupillage.

Nice weather for ducks

2010-02-26T04:10:00.000-08:00

The snow has melted and been replaced with rain, lots of it too. Roll on Spring, I'm cheesed off with the Winter now, it seems to have hung around since last July.

I have prepared my notes for the first Advanced Criminal Litigation class, which is all about first appearance in the Magistrates Court. There's a conference, a bail application and also plea before venue representations. Not entirely sure what it is all about, but no doubt once I've made an arse of myself in front of the class, the penny will drop.

Today I should be preparing for the Negotiation exam, but I cannot summon any enthusiasm whatsoever, so instead I've been faffing about doing other bits of homework. Apparently we have some Drafting work to do, which is to go into our Personal Development File, which we hand in sometime in April. I didn't realise that we had this other work to do, so hope to get something sorted before the next study weekend, as it looks to be a busy time from mid-March onwards.

Would like to push on with the remaining Options homework, but the lectures haven't appeared on Blackboard yet, so it looks as though there might be a last minute rush (again).

The MCT results came out yesterday and thankfully I didn't fail. Due to the delay in releasing results, I'd gotten myself into a bit of a panic, particularly with the Civil Litigation, which I thought was very difficult. The thought of doing a re-take made me feel quite sick, so I'm very relieved to have gotten through it.

Barman has been working away all week and came back home yesterday evening to a lovely, neat and tidy house. Today, said house is a tip:-) Bar-Os has been particularly sweet whilst Barman has been away, but that all changed this morning when Barman led him out to the paddock. At the halfway mark I took over the leading, as Bar-Os was determined to take a chunk out of hubby's arm. Must be a man thing going on there? Actually, I think it's a spoilt thing going on there!

Good luck to all at College of Law doing their MCT's this weekend.

What are you doing Monday?

2010-02-19T01:34:00.000-08:00

The results for the civil and criminal MCT exam have been delayed, they are released next Monday. I'm concerned about the civil; we shall see.

The options papers have been given out and there is quite a bit of work to do in time for the next study weekend. In relation to the Advanced Criminal Litigation, the tutorial looks to be mostly oral skills based, with a conference, a bail application, first appearance in the magistrates court and finally, endorsing the brief. I had rather hoped that endorsing a brief meant signing my name on George Clooney's underpants, but apparently it doesn't and instead it's something a bit boring, but necessary.

We have been given the 1 page handout for the Negotiation exam, which is a basic list of the areas of law that the negotiation will entail. I'm dreading the exam. With just 2 hours to read the papers and to prepare a negotiation plan, it will be a tall order, as I'm not the quickest worker by any stretch.

I have also received the papers for the second Advocacy exam which is examination-in-chief. We have to prepare for 2 witnesses, but will only examine 1. There will be some last minute instructions and we are given 30 minutes to fathom out how those instructions alter the case and the subsequent line of questioning.

Just for a change, we had snow AGAIN last night and it looks as though the weather is going to be really cold again next week; minus 6 predicted for Tuesday night:-(

Oh, and I have just sent off my application for call. I feel quite excited about it all and just hope that I don't mess up the final load of exams.

That's blown it!

2010-02-12T09:58:00.000-08:00

It's too late now. Too late to notice that there is a coma missing in paragraph 14; too late to notice that I mixed up the names of the claimant and defendant at random points throughout the tome; too late to amend the inevitable typos littered generously throughout, which for some reason went un-noticed the 3 times that the script was proof read.

The Drafting and Opinion Writing assessments have been emailed with love, and a sloppy Valentine's e-card, to provider. Ok, I lied about the Valentine's bit, but they are sent, vanished, disappeared, gone, but not yet forgotten.

Now there is just the 2 month wait before I know whether I'm quite as thick as my nearest and dearest think I am:-)

On a less obsessive note, tomorrow sees the last of the Negotiation and Advocacy classes, before the exams next month. In an ideal world I would have liked to have spent a great deal more time on the Advocacy prep, but the written exams took centre stage this month, so I've only had a couple of hours to cobble together a few notes and a trial plan. As for the Negotiation, well, it has always been my least favourite subject and after last month's fiasco, it is now on par with cleaning the oven.

I pick up my options stuff this weekend. I actually have no idea what the said 'stuff' is, and no idea what each option entails. Apparently it's a big secret, well either that, or provider can't be bothered to explain. There was a brief explanation on Blackboard, but not enough to make an informed decision. I guess it all adds to the excitement.

It only dawned on me today that there aren't any more classes with my 'big' group. I shall miss them. Not sure which one's are doing the same options as me, we were all a bit confused about them last month.

So, it is now time for the final slog towards the finish line. It's too early to tell how I shall fair with the grade fairy. In my heart of hearts I shall be gutted if I get a 'C'. I suppose that sounds quite arrogant, but I have worked really hard for this and would like to do well.

The biggest worry is the 'Marmite Effect', as regards the oral skills. Some tutors like my style, some definitely don't, so it's with the toss of a coin as to how I shall do in the 3 remaining compulsory oral skills exams.

Time now to get my papers together for the 'trial' tomorrow morning. 'Can you tell the Court your full name please...'

Work in progress(ish)

2010-02-03T03:00:00.000-08:00

I am still working on the BVC written exams and progress is painfully slow. I have chopped and changed my Opinion until it has lost what little flow it had in the first place. Today I intend to try and reach the finish of the first draft and will let it sit for a couple of days, before looking at it with a fresh set of eyes. Last night I read it out to Barman and was surprised that it sounded better than I thought, although it was repetitive in parts. The niggling feeling that I had about missing something obvious hasn't gone away and yesterday I spent a couple of hours perusing Chitty and Halsbury's to see if there was something that I'd forgotten - the search was futile, but the niggle remains.

The Drafting is on ice, as I came to a sticking point and decided to leave well alone for a few days before trying to work out where I'm going with my pleadings (nowhere fast probably:-)).

I dread the point at which I have to hand over my work and then the wait for weeks before discovering my mark. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick.

There are 4 other lots of homework to do - 2 lots of Advocacy prep and 2 lots of Negotiation plans. I will be lucky to finish the homework this month!

The options DVD lectures are handed out in February, I haven't heard whether or not I have been given the choices that I wanted. I also haven't had the MCT results yet, but I think that they are out in the next couple of weeks? Good time to join the Foreign Legion perhaps!

It was very frosty this morning and I had to take it steady with Bar-Os on the way to the paddock. He has got a little bored with the routine and stops dead at any given point, looks in the direction that he would prefer to go (he has a thing about gravel drives and always wants to walk up them and explore). This morning he decided that he wanted to have a walk around the snobby cul-de-sac and refused to move, standing on the spot staring into a little hankerchief garden and the kitchen window beyond. I pretended that I'd had to stop to faff about with something in my pocket. He has also developed a bum scratching fetish (a leftover from his skin condition) and turns his rather large backside around to be scratched. I haven't seen his face for weeks and it is only a matter of time, I fear, before I am hauled down to the police station to explain exactly why I always seem to have a horse's arse in my face:-)

Oh well, I can't delay it any longer, opinion writing here I come...

The Circle Line

2010-01-25T03:47:00.000-08:00

It is always nice to see a picture emerging from the gloomy waters of legal research, alas, this month I am disappointed that no such crystal clear image has yet emerged. Instead the further I delve, the muddier the waters become. This in itself, and at any other time, wouldn't be too bad, except that this time the said legal research is for my written exams.

It's all very well asking me for my opinion, but I can't make my mind up, the facts and law aren't helping me at all, in fact they are making matters worse. In reality my written analysis could be succinctly put as 'I don't know; it depends'. Somehow I doubt that provider would be satisfied by this carefully thought out conclusion. I mean the title of the work (an Opinion) is a bit of a giveaway really. So I have another 4,995 words to write and somewhere along the line I need to make THE decision; which party is most likely to succeed. At the moment, it could be decided by the toss of a coin. I sincerely hope that after a little more research a clearer picture WILL emerge. There is a niggle at the back of my mind, that somewhere along the line, I have missed an important piece of legislation, there must be something that points me in the right direction, something to help me along my way. Perhaps this exam is really a test of bravery and no matter how much we look, there will be no firm favourite, but we nevertheless have to stick our necks out and make an 'educated' guess.

Next month sees the last of the Advocacy classes. The brief arrived by post a few days ago. This time we are to do dressing up too! Gowns are to be provided by provider. At last, my provider has bestowed upon me the most glorious accolade - that of the barristerial 'swoosh'. I fully intend to 'do aeroplanes' in the hallway in the run up to my grand entrance; at the very least, this is likely to disturb the opposition - they shall be but a microlite, whilst I shall be a jumbo jet no less:-) I am also to play a witness - a tarty married lady, out for a night on the town with the girls. Goodness knows why provider chose me to play this part?

Anyways, all of this chatter won't get baby a new bonnet.

I may be gone some time...

Oh!

2010-01-18T04:46:00.000-08:00

What a weekend!

The MCT exam was exhausting, but unlike last year's MCT (when I was in the nursery class and was allowed to go home after the exam), I had to pick myself up and do classes in the afternoon. I'd love to tell you what the afternoon classes were about, but my memory fails me. Yes, I know it was only 2 days ago, but I'm tired and emotional.

I hope to have done ok in the Criminal Litigation part of the MCT, but the Civil was a struggle. The pass mark is 60% for each subject - results are out in a month or so. I may just be tempted to join the Foreign Legion, in order to avoid that horrible feeling when scrolling down the exam results lists in search of ~~a miracle~~ hope.

We had feedback for our Drafting and Opinion Writing mocks. 75% of students failed the Drafting! Not a good start to the exam season.

The Negotiation mock was awful. I will reveal more at a later date.

We have been given the papers for the Drafting and Opinion Writing exams, which are to be handed in next month. The Opinion looks ok(ish), but the Drafting - well, we shall see!There's a lot of work to do in the next 4 weeks, I just hope that I don't mess up.

I suppose I'm suffering that awful feeling of anti-climax today. I did so much revision for the 3 hour exam and yet there were still questions that were a complete mystery to me?

Bye for now:-)

Last Minute Jitters

2010-01-15T07:48:00.000-08:00

I have spent this week convincing myself that provider would cancel the MCT exam (due to the bad weather). However, it has not been cancelled and in but a few hours I have the unenviable task of facing a 3 hour exam, 80 multiple choice questions (79 guesses), followed by a review of my Opinion Writing mock. Oh and also a 2 hour advocacy class.

Mock Negotiation exam is on Sunday (in which I will have to negotiate with a 'proper' barrister, rather than a classmate), along with a review of my Drafting mock and another advocacy class.

Most importantly of all, I remembered to buy lots of sweeties to munch through during the MCT, so all I need to do now is remember which room to go to for the exam, my pencils, purse, I.D., oh and the small matter of hearsay, bad character, indictments, juries, youth sentencing, appeals, track allocation, part 36 payments, more appeals, enforcement of court orders, sanctions, disclosure, witness statements, depositions, privilege(s), more appeals, ADR...

I may be gone some time:-)

Would Madam like ice with that?

2010-01-08T12:01:00.000-08:00

I'm getting a bit fed up with the cold weather now! No sooner does the snow melt, another lot lands and it's back to square one. Earlier this week I got stuck driving up a hill and had to coast/slide back down to the bottom and have a second run at it. The country lanes around here are dodgy at the best of times, but are particularly dangerous when the temperature drops.

Oh, and the grit/salt wars has started! We have a couple of salt/grit bins in the village, which are there for all to use, as and when. Well, an elderly gentleman in the village went to help himself to some salt for his driveway and one of the 'newcomers' to the village said that he had no right to help himself to 'their' salt as it was solely for 'their' use ('their' being the residents of a new cul-de-sac of 5 'executive' homes). Kindly old gentleman said "I've lived in this village over 50 years, you've been here 2, f*ck off". And there was me thinking that butter wouldn't melt in his elderly mouth. It is interesting to see how relationships develop or deteriorate in small villages and how the most petty matters can result in all out war.

My village always has been snobby, but in recent years the snobbery has gotten much worse, mostly due to the fact that house prices have shot up and all the new houses in the village are large and expensive. At a local wedding, a villager who normally ignores me, was at pains to talk to me all evening when someone let slip that I was an aspirant of the Bar. The thing is, these snobby types are always really boring. On Christmas Day morning, I was leading Bar-Os through the village, concentrating on keeping myself and said Os upright, when same lady pulled alongside me in her Audi and proceeded to crawl along beside me (oblivious to the fact that Bar-Os was getting miffed), whilst telling me all about the text she had received from her son, who's doing really well in the RAF and is on holiday in Singapore and they were going to a very tasteful something or another and on and on.... Bloggers, I prefered it when she ignored me:-)

The MCT revision is going ok I suppose, but there are still some areas that I'm unhappy with, not least character evidence, which is a bugger to remember. Costs and Part 36 are ~~still a complete mystery~~ in need of further attention, as is 'things' to do with previous consistent/inconsistent statements. Wonder of wonders, hearsay has sunk in a bit!

The other homework has been completed, so I now have just the MCT revision to keep me entertained until next Saturday. Hopefully the weather will have improved, or I'm going to struggle to get to London on Saturday morning.

Bar-Os, who's diet usually consists of a generous portion of 'rocket fuel' twice daily, has been put on Lay-Off cubes, which as the name suggests, are a low energy, fibre based feed. He's not a happy bunny and flattens his ears back whenever I approach - the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, it would seem. The icy roads are too dangerous to ride on and he was becoming a bit of a handful to lead on the road to the paddock, so a lower energy diet was recommended. Last night the ice has compacted in his feet and I had to wait an hour before picking his feet out (a daily routine to ensure no mud and stones has got wedged in his soles).

Oh, I hope the weather improves a bit next week, I'm just not a Winter person.

Revision and other things to avoid

2010-01-02T04:27:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to be revising for the forthcoming MCT civil/criminal exam, but the 'few days off over Christmas' have somehow stretched into the New Year and I'm now suffering another bout of Cantbearseditus. Although not as serious as the Olpasiformia Nervosa which struck me down last Spring and lasted well into the Summer, Cantbearseditus does have similar symtoms, including lethargy, faffing about and general procrastination.

The next 6 weeks or so look to be pretty intense, there is the above mentioned MCT, followed by the Negotiation mock in mid January and then onto the Opinion Writing and Drafting exams for February, which I’ll be pleased to get out of the way. The mock Opinion Writing and Drafting exam results are given out at the next study weekend, and I’ve a feeling that I may not have faired quite as well as I’d like, particularly in the Drafting exam, but we shall see.

As for the Options, I’m still undecided and have little to go on to help me decide which ones to choose. Ok, so the Advanced Criminal Litigation is more or less (and always was) firm favourite, but as for the second option…

I’m not struck on this cold weather, but at least it should help me to focus a little more on the studying. The roads have been too icy to venture out riding, but I did manage a couple of nice hacks over Christmas when the weather conditions briefly relented.

Since starting back for the second year of BVC, the time has gone very quickly and I can’t quite believe that in but a few months time it will all be over. I will miss my group, but who knows, perhaps one day I shall be opposite one or two of them in court!

The prospect of securing a pupillage is forever on my mind, and I must try even harder this year to spruce up the old CV and make myself ‘attractive’ to Chambers. I hope to be doing some marshalling in the Spring and have another mini-pupillage lined up too. There is also an interview offer for a 3 month internship in the Spring, which I shall chase up once I’m nearer to the BVC finishing line. It is within an area of law that I am very interested in, but is London based, so I will have to pay an arm and a leg getting to and fro.

I don’t like to think too long and hard about what will happen once BVC is over, the statistics aren’t exactly encouraging, but I shall endeavour to remain optimistic and push onwards and upwards.

Given last year’s problems with OLPAS, I wonder if more Chambers will opt for non-OLPAS applications this year? I hope so, not least because of the number restrictions imposed by OLPAS. Twelve applications just isn’t enough – if Chambers interview say 10% of applicants, that only works out at 1 interview or so per aspirant, per season; mind you, maths was never my thing:-)

Barman has gone to watch some football with a friend, the house is peaceful, it is snowing quite heavily, my garden has become a refuge to several partridges and a pheasant, who are seeking shelter from the shooting parties. I think I really ought to get on with some work!

Happy New Year Bloggers!

Happy Christmas

2009-12-24T03:33:00.000-08:00

Wishing you a very happy Christmas.

Barmaid

Barmaid's had a facelift!

2009-12-19T12:37:00.000-08:00

No, not one of those facelifts, I haven't got any wrinkles *cough*.

Thankyou to Android, who has made a very good job indeed of pimping my blog.

The red shoes, alas, are but a fantasy for Barmaid, who would need industrial scaffolding on wheels in order to get from A - B in them, but a girl can always dream.

I've absolutely no idea why Andro put chocolates on my blog, I only ever eat fruit and wholesome organic vegetables, hence my perfect size 6 figure (I wear a slightly larger size just to make the fatties feel better about themselves) ;-)

Bar-Os has made an appearance. The picture is several years old and was taken when he was just 2 years old, but already bigger than his (step) Dad, who stands proudly beside him. I was told when I bought Bar-Os, that he would make a decent sized pony/cob - he is neither a pony, nor a cob, but a somewhat larger chap, who resembles a Clydesdale and who has a 14ft stable to accomodate his ample proportions. My dreams of elegantly vaulting onto him from the ground, have been replaced with the reality of a 2ft + high mounting block and a prayer each time I launch myself upwards and vaguely towards him, trying to land in the saddle at first attempt.

Thank goodness for Amazon, who yet again have come to my rescue with the Christmas shopping list. I've bought a cat cartoon book for BF, a couple of ornate wild bird feeder stands for relatives, the usual DVD's and books for others. There was only Bar-Man left to buy for, but he has suggested that we replace our old TV with a flat screen one in the New Year, instead of buying each other gifts. I'm all for making life easy, so that's sorted, but I did buy him a few blokey gadgets to open on Christmas Day.

Today, I was supposed to write out Christmas cards too, but somehow haven't found the ~~inclination~~ time.

MCT revision is painful and slow; youth sentencing is as much a mystery to me now as it was when I first glanced at the subject several months ago. I'm almost at the point of giving up on hearsay, it just hasn't clicked and I'm quite frankly sick of people shouting "In criminal proceedings a statement not made in oral evidence in the proceedings is admissible as evidence of any matter stated..." - I'm thick, not deaf thankyou, and continually shouting the same sentence isn't working ok!:-) I just can't tell the difference between hearsay and original evidence, so seeing as it's Christmas, balls to it. I shall find myself a Janet and John book to make myself feel big and clever again.

ttfn.

Decisions, Decisions?

2009-12-14T04:48:00.000-08:00

Another study weekend over. The Drafting formative work has been handed in and the results shall be given out next month. Both Advocacy exams came and went and the results were given out immediately afterwards. I faired better in the Examination-in-Chief, than the Cross-Examination, but am relieved just to have gotten them out of the way without any ~~fails~~ mishaps.

Next month I have the Criminal/Civil MCT exam and also the Negotiation formative. The MCT worries me most because there are far too many areas of procedure and evidence that I'm uncertain about, not least hearsay! As for the Negotiation, we shall see? Usually we 'perform' our negotiation with another student, but next month we are up against barristers, who are, I'm informed, extremely well briefed on the subject in hand.

We also have a one off civil advocacy next month and luckily it is an area of law that I'm quite interested in, so for once I feel reasonably comfortable. Last years contractual disputes did rattle me somewhat and I felt a little out of my depth at times, simply because my LLB, Sale of Goods Act and associated broken electrical appliances essays didn't really provide a sufficient grounding for the more technical aspects of contractual law.

As the title of this post suggests, it is also time to think about which Options I shall choose for the final few months of BVC. No. 1 is the Advanced Criminal Litigation, but I'm still all at sea with the 2nd choice. Judicial Review is a possibility, as is Company Law, and also Property and Chancery, but then there's also Employment Law...

Each has bits that I like and bits that I don't. Wills and Trusts didn't go down too well during LLB, but the remaining contents of the Property Option do look interesting (apart from mortgages), but the reading list looks quite daunting. And there's also the small matter that I haven't a hope in hell's chance of landing a pupillage at one of 'those' sets - wrong sex, wrong age, wrong uni... .

Judicial Review covers prison law, but also covers asylum and homelessness, which just doesn't float my boat somehow. However a knowledge of Public Law is useful in relation to some criminal appeals. I hadn't previously considered Company Law, but having looked through the information on the subject, quite a bit of it does look to be familiar, not least directors duties, which I covered quite thoroughly during LLB. And as for Employment, well it looks user friendly and the assessment format appears to be less onerous than the others.

Being a complete anorak, most of the Options look interesting and if I thought that it might be of use, I may have even considered International Trade, but somehow carriage of goods by sea is perhaps a little too specialised to be of any use post BVC, unless of course I decide to become a pirate. Family Law is a no no for me, not least because the module is based on ancillary relief and numbers and me don't always see eye to eye. Same with the Personal Injury module, quantum takes me ages to calculate and even longer if I then have to start calculating interest as well.

I shall have a better idea once I receive the results for my Opinion Writing and Drafting mocks - no point choosing a subject that requires excellent written skills, if I haven't gotten those skills.

Decisions, decisions...?

The start of the exams

2009-12-07T14:42:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been all go for the last week or so and the BVC homework has been seemingly never ending. Today I have been reading through the Civil Litigation homework questions and have completed about three quarters of them, but I may have to leave them in order to finish off some Criminal Litigation homework and also have a final tweak at my Drafting formative (which I intended to tweak at the weekend but somehow didn't find the time). This weekend sees the last of the Civil and Criminal tutorials before the MCT in January.

I've done no Christmas shopping as of yet and must make a bit of an effort soon, but shopping doesn't float my boat and I suspect that it will be a last minute online clickathon.

I've been practising my advocacy on Barman, who, when I'd finished my cross-examination of him, he uttered one word; "bitch". Perhaps I need to tone it down a bit, but what the heck, it's like PMT heaven:-) Best friend is invited to mine tomorrow to be a witness, good job I haven't bought her Christmas present yet, she may never speak to me again! Her boyfriend has been appointed as judge in the proceedings and I suspect that the two of them are conspiring against me as I write.

My fondness of advocacy dwindled last year and I got a bit bored with the interim civil applications that we had to perform each month, but this year's witness handling is much more fun, not least because my group has a very good tutor, who's enthusiasm is contagious, so much so, that one or two of the staunch civil aspirants are contemplating a switch to the criminal bar instead!

The early nights are a bit depressing, but I do find that studying is a little more focused without the distractions of nice weather to lure me away from the computer. However, in a slight distraction to the Costs homework I decided to throw myself around the house to the Prodigy's 'Fire Starter' and tonight have a slightly sore back and a somewhat bewildered neighbour.

Seem to think that call dates are to be released soon - ooh er, it's all getting a bit real - wigs, gowns and the small matter of several dining sessions to complete. I'm not one for being suspicious, but I do feel a little intrepidation at having to book my call night when I've got such a lot of exams lined up.

hand written stuff n nonsense

2009-11-30T07:56:00.000-08:00

In preparation for my Negotiation exam, I have set about preparing a hand written Negotiation plan.

The real thing, the exam that is, allows 2 hours for reading of the case papers and preparation of a hand written Negotiation plan. Well, I started at 11 this morning and am still going strong on my practice run, so it looks as though I'll have to speed things up a tad for the real thing! Hopefully the real thing won't be as complicated as the case that I'm trying to prepare at the moment, but I'm not taking any bets on it.

The Civil/Crim MCT is playing on my mind quite a bit, but I haven't had time to start doing any revision. Last year's MCT wasn't too bad, but this year's looks to be more difficult; hearsay, youth sentencing, bad character evidence and worst of all, Part 36 payments - they're all a mystery to me, so let's hope that eenie, meenie, miney, moe will work this time:-)

Bar-Os seems to be on the mend and had a serious attempt to pitch me out of the saddle yesterday, much to Barman's amusement. And there was me thinking that the both of them were gentlemen:-)

Oh well, back to page 11 of my 10 page plan!

Another study weekend over

2009-11-19T14:51:00.000-08:00

The study weekend was a mixed bag of highs and lows. The mock opinion that caused me much pain was handed in, but the results of my efforts won't be known until January.

Thankfully my Advocacy was much improved this month, which is just as well seeing as I have 2 mock exams in the subject next month. Criminal Litigation and Civil Litigation were both a struggle this month, so much so that I have doubts over passing the exam in January. I did well in Negotiation, but feel far from comfortable with the subject, it just doesn't feel right somehow.

Sadly, Bar-Os has been very poorly and I had to have the vet out to him on Tuesday. A few weeks ago he was attacked by insects in the paddock and was covered in lumps and bumps when I went to bring him home for the evening. Usually insect bites clear up in a day or two, but these have lingered and he has suffered a secondary infection. Poor lad had virtually stopped eating and drinking over the space of a few days and he had to have a steroid jab to perk him up and get him peeing again. I was well impressed with the boost that the jab gave him, so much so, that I intend to break into the vets come exam time and have a little dabble myself:-) Mind you, I hope that the side effect of rapid and loud farting equates only to equines, otherwise the advocacy examiner in in for a treat come the cross-examination assessment!

I've had a few days off this week to catch on some bits and bobs and don't intend to start studying for a day or two. With a load of exams lined up in the wings, I thought that I'd better re-charge my batteries before knuckling down to what looks to be an intensive 2 - 3 months.

ttfn

Last minute dash

2009-11-12T04:14:00.000-08:00

Finally finished the [insert swearword of choice] mock Opinion. As I somewhat smuggly printed off said [insert previous swearword or another one of your choice] Opinion, I took the chance to have a quick glance at my emails and smugness evaporated as quickly as it had appeared. Provider has just informed me that we have 3 exams next month: 2 advocacy (1 x examination-in-chief, 1 x cross-examination) and drafting.

Ok, so they are all mocks, but nevertheless it came as a bit of a shock to the system and I [inserted a swearword, well ok, I inserted several swearwords, not particularly chosen because they were my favourites, but just picked at random as the occasion befitted].

There is a study weekend looming and I haven't yet finished the homework, the house is a tip, I've got stacks of washing, stacks of paperwork and need to go food shopping.

Am I bovvered? Not really. Having more or less recovered from the Olpasiformia Nervosa, I seem to have taken on a more pragmatic view of life and intend to ~~not let the bastards grind me down~~ take things a little more in their stride.

ttfn

Into the breach

2009-11-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

I'm working on my mock Opinion at the moment and what a difficult task it is turning out to be.

Once finished, I think I shall re-name said opinion - RE: ALL YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT CONTRACT BUT COULDN'T BE ARSED TO ASK.

Need I say more! Given my lack of understanding and general writers block, I feel ill prepared for the real thing, which I think is after Christmas, but what the heck, I'm giving it my best shot and if that isn't good enough...

As is always the case, I start off thinking that I'll never be able to write that many words on something I know so little about, then halfway through start to panic that I'll never be able to cram it all in. I'd love to do 'succinct', but somehow it evades me.

Other homework is on the back burner and I will have to, yet again, burn the midnight oil next week to get it all finished.

One day I'll laugh about all this, but right now I'm out of chocolate:-)

Blogosphere Bermuda Triangle?

2009-10-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

Well, first Bar-Boy disappeared, followed by Legal Lass, then Mennard and now Legally Ginge and Lawminx have vanished too!

Now, I'm not one for being paranoid, but now I come to think of it...

Plenty of Room for Improvement

2009-10-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

Bit of a turn up for the books really. BVC is never predictable and that rule was pretty much demonstrated last weekend.

Having had my first stab at examination-in-chief and cross-examination, it would appear that I am at present equally crap in both of the required arts. Tutor's blood pressure was dangerously high as he attempted to ~~hammer home~~ gently guide me through the subtle process of controlling the witness and getting from them what you want. The dvd of my performance is worthy of an Oscar nomination, not least for the petulant look on my face whilst being ~~screamed at~~ told "NO, NO, NO, HOW MANY MORE TIMES TO I HAVE TO TELL YOU...?". Answers on a postcard please:-)

Hearsay was a shambles and it is definitely a subject that I have got to revisit (yet again) at some point before the MCT, otherwise I shall be very lucky to pass.

Negotiation was a turn up for the books and I did well, despite this being my most feared subject to date.

Drafting was informative, but also a little daunting. Civil was, as expected, civilised.

Today I'm having a look over my mock exam paper for Opinion Writing. Mmm it's going to be very tricky to do and will require plenty of preparation and planning, which tbh aren't exactly favourite pastimes of mine, as I much prefer to wade in feet first.

So, it would appear that I shall be a criminal barrister who can do bail applications, submissions of no case to answer, pleas in mitigation, but cannot examine any witnesses or do any cases in which hearsay crops up.

Apart from that, everything is going exactly to plan!

Onwards and upwards eh:-)

What goes around...

2009-10-16T02:47:00.000-07:00

No sooner have I just about finished the homework, another study weekend looms.

Yesterday I finished off my Drafting homework, which took far longer than anticipated due to the fact that I'd forgotten most of what I studied last year, so I had to re-read much of the notes. Not one for comfort zones, my provider always manages to ask something that is slightly beyond our capabilities and thus part of the Drafting is guesswork.

Today I intend to finish off some notes for my first bash at examination-in-chief and also have a quick look over the other materials that I have prepared for the classes. Oh and also I need to tidy up the house! If the weather stays fair, I might just have time for a quick hack with Bar-Os. His legs are still troubling him from where the flies have bitten them and made them sore, but all attempts to treat them have been to no avail. I finally resorted to using some lavender oil to soothe the sores and keep the flies at bay, seeing as it has insect-repellant properties. However it also has relaxing properties and he was flat out snoring in his stable for several hours last night! If only it would have the same effect on me when I'm unable to sleep!

I may have previously mentioned that a relative of mine has been having some problems with a neighbour, who decided to erect a massive poly tunnel next to my relative's boundary and very close to relative's house. There are no planning restrictions on poly tunnels within gardens around here, so there was nothing that my relative could do.

Unfortunately the neighbour owns a piece of agricultural that stretches across the back of relative's property and has recently erected a closed-board fence on the land to prevent relative from enjoying the previously unobstructed views that stretched for miles. The boundary already had a perfectly adequate post and rail fence in place (that is relative's responsibility to maintain), but neighbour has erected the new fence about half a metre away from the original fence.

What a lot of problems this has caused! The new fence blocks out light to a greenhouse and a sun-lounge, but having looked at the law surrounding right to light and injunctions, it was too risky to take the matter further. In the mean-time, neighbour has placed several structures on the agricultural land, many of them on the boundary, including sheds and so forth, resulting in realtive's modest plot being enclosed by neighbours somewhat untidy structures.

Enough is enough and the local council were asked to evaluate what had happened. The neighbours had purchased the house about 4 years ago, having previously lived in a city. They moved to 'live the dream', ie. to become self sufficient, grow their own veg, raise animals for the table etc. The upshot of the council's findings is that there has been a change of use on the agricultural land to that of a garden extension and the neighbours can no longer grow things on the 4 acre area. The field will now have to be returned to, well a field. The structures on the field have to be removed. The neighbours did look into applying for a lawful development certificate, but they cannot satisfy the criteria.

To date the fence remains in place. I'm trying to fathom out if the fence is lawful. On the one hand, there are no applicable restrictions to fences on agricultural land save for the fact that it can be no more than 2 metres high. This is of little help as relative's home is set on land that is lower down than the neighbours, so although the fence measures over 7ft tall on relative's side, it is only 6ft tall from the neighbours ground. But I do wonder if by the fact that at the relevant time (when the fence was erected), the neighbours land was being used (unlawfully) as a garden extension, this constitutes a breach of planning policy for garden extensions, which recommends post and rail fencing, underplanted with native hedgerow plants.

So at the end of the day, relative's neighbours have 4 acres of land that they cannot use, relative's rear garden is dark and oppresive with no view and all because of a poly tunnel and an arrogant man who moved from the city to the country to enjoy the good life.

I did offer to mediate with the relative's neighbour, but just received a bog standard solicitors letter by way of reply.

Any ideas anyone?

Hearsay Revisited

2009-10-09T12:51:00.000-07:00

I couldn't put it off any longer, so finally sat down for 2 days and steadily read through the hearsay stuff. No excuses, mostly perfect peace and quiet, coffee on tap, concentration on full tilt. Deciding to read Keane for starters, then after 5 pages abandoning that idea for 60 pages of another author's writings that were recommended to me by 'Lost'. I actually enjoyed reading those 60 pages, felt that I understood a fair amount of what was written, so I confidently went back to the homework questions, carefully perused them for several hours, comparing what was asked with what I'd read, gave that up as a bad job and guessed the bloody lot! Oh dear, it would appear that moi is thick!

With another study weekend on the horizon, I'm going to be lucky if I get all the homework completed, I just seem to be on a go-slow at the moment, but at least I managed to finish the Negotiation plan a few days ago. Having only had one lesson on that subject so far, I have already decided that I dislike it intensely, which is quite odd as I enjoyed Conference and the two subjects are fairly similar.

I have prepared notes for the 2 advocacy lessons - 1 for examination-in-chief, the other for cross-examination, but may go back and re-do the XIC as in hindsight it is a load of rubbish.

I'm hoping to do some marshalling before Christmas, although I don't quite know how I will find the time what with work and all that, but it is a much needed experience and one that others have recommended to me. I have asked to do something civil, in an attempt to steer myself away from the criminal bar, but somehow I think that old habits die hard and the criminal bar is where my heart lies. But you never know, I might just have a eureka moment and finally fall hopelessly in love with exemption clauses in contract claims!

Having had zero success with OLPAS this year, I have decided to put pupillage applications on the back burner for a while and will try some non-OLPAS apps next year, once I have gotten boss-side of BVC. For now I need to try and concentrate on study and work and worry about pupillage another time.

It is lovely having Bar-Os home, particularly as his time away was only meant to be for a month or so, but finished up far longer due to him being poorly. Thankfully he seems to be fully recovered, but has poorly heels where the flies have bitten him relentlessly. Most horses have black skin, but his is white and very sensitive, so he does tend to suffer with skin problems. He is extremely impatient in a morning and looks very annoyed at the fact that breakfast is never served on time, and then he has to wait at least 5 minutes before being taken out to the paddock. I wonder what his last slave died of?

Yesterday I ran out of apples for Bar-Os and climbed over the back to scrump some apples from an orchard that adjoins my garden. My heart was racing as I quickly picked a dozen or so fruit, convinced that the dirty deed would put an end to my aspirations of becoming a barrister and that I would find myself in the dock, branded nothing more than a common thief.

I'm not a big fan of the tv, as I always seem to end up studying on an evening, but this week I have been watching Criminal Justice and have quite enjoyed it. Just a pity that the tasty barrister got killed off so soon. Not sure that the barrister's clerk had an entirely healthy attitude to his 'master' - bit too incestuous for me.

They'll pinch anything

2009-10-02T03:17:00.000-07:00

Someone has pinched Bar-Os' water trough!

There were two troughs in the paddock, one at the bottom end of the paddock, the other at the top. In order to pinch it, the the thief had to climb over a locked 5 bar gate, walk 300 metres down the paddock, uncouple it from the water main, empty it out and then carry it all the way back across the field, over the 5 bar gate and up the lane. How much are these water troughs? About £40 to buy brand new - hardly seems worth all the effort, particularly when you consider that I live at the back of beyond and the thief would have had to drive many miles to get here. It's a good job that I noticed the theft, as the uncoupled water pipe was bent over, but still leaking water. The troughs aren't very tall and the grass grows high around them, so they don't exactly stand out in the paddock.

I had that typical pregnant pause when I went to check the trough, and for a moment I stood looking around me, convinced that my eyes were playing tricks on me, and I even prodded the ground, convinced somehow that the trough was just playing hide and seek.

My knees turned to jelly yesterday when I went to the paddock at lunchtime to check on Bar-Os and couldn't see him. My immediate thought was that he too had been stolen and I quickly unlocked the gate and went running into the paddock shouting. Bar-Os was extremely annoyed to have his 'bum-scratching-against-the-field-shelter', rudely interupted by an hysterical woman and promptly made known his feelings with a look that, quite frankly, made me feel about 3 inches tall:-)

Today I have to make a start on some more BVC homework, probably the Negotiation stuff. The case is one that we covered in Advocacy last year and concerns a wedding planner chasing an unpaid debt. I also have some Drafting homework to do, but I'm saving that one for a while, as I quite like Drafting and would prefer to get the stuff that I don't enjoy out of the way. I still haven't revisited Hearsay, but will make an effort sometime next week to get to grips with it.

My enthusiasm for BVC hasn't returned and I'm finding that I have to force myself to study. I suppose this is perhaps one of the disadvantages of studying part-time, in that there is no-one to spur me on when things get a bit hard going.

Earlier this week I cobbled together some notes for the next Advocacy lessons, where I will have my first stab at Examination-in-Chief and also Cross-Examination.

Our mock exams begin next month and it looks as though the studying is very intense for a few months thereafter, with a combination of mock and real exams (I still can't get my head around 'formative' and 'summative'). The heaviest months are looking to be November through to February and I keep spurring myself on by saying that come next March I will be on the home run. I must admit that I am very disappointed in myself and my attitude at the moment with regard to studying, and it is a worry that I no longer enjoy it. I find that although I enjoy the studying during the study weekends, the vast amounts of solitary homework are nothing more than a chore.

Oh well, that is enough moaning from me, I must make a start on something useful.

Hearsay Evidence

2009-09-18T14:56:00.000-07:00

*Tuts*

The Good, The Bad and The Muddly

2009-09-14T04:49:00.000-07:00

Well, the first study weekend of year 2 came and went.

We have new tutors this year and I feel lucky in that by and large my group has a very good selection of lecturers. Our advocacy tutor is enthusiastic and punchy and bright. We are just starting to learn about Examination-in-Chief and Cross-Examination and this month's lesson was learning about case theory/preparation. The devil's definitely in the detail! Next month we have our first go at examining a witness.

Our Opinion Writing and Drafting tutor is amazing, so I have no excuses not to get to grips with those 2 subjects. We had to prepare a contract Opinion before class and although mine was ok, there was plenty of room for improvement. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with Contract Law, which has always been a little bit hazy in parts simply because there is just so much to consider and it's easy to omit/forget the obvious. Remedies are a bit tricky, not least because at LLB level students don't really cover them in any detail.

The first Negotiation class was confusing and I'm far from comfortable with this subject. I think that it is a matter of going through the motions? It had a synthetic feel to it and didn't at all resemble real life.

Criminal Litigation was good, but Youth Sentencing is very confusing and I'm going to have to spend a few days trying to get to grips with it. Civil was, well, quite civilised (pretty boring but necessary I suppose).

It was great to catch up with everyone in my group, not so great that none of us have managed to capture the Golden Snitch! Chambers don't know what they are missing:-)

I'm quite relieved that the first weekend is over, but do still feel a little overwhelmed at the mountain I have left to climb.

Onwards and upwards eh!

Normal(ish) Service is Resumed

2009-09-11T06:17:00.000-07:00

This was the look on Cyril's face when I told him that he was in fact munching on his Uncle Cedric, who had been 'bagged' and dispensed into a packet of Walkers Cajun Squirrel Crisps.

It's back to BVC for me tomorrow and my tired little brain is not looking forward to the forthcoming cerebral gymnastics. Oh well, having both enjoyed and endured (in varying degrees) my 7 years of law studies to date, this year I hope will be the final push towards getting a pupillage, or if not, well, we'll just have to decide what Plan B really is.

If only I could muster up at least a little enthusiasm!

For some reason spell check has vanished from my blog toolbar, so I apologise in advance for my dreadful spelling.

The Squirrel Speaks

2009-09-08T15:44:00.000-07:00

All of you who do not take my world domination seriously will be dealt with accordingly:

Mr Swizz - I know where you spend your evenings, do not think you can hide from the squirrel.

Mistress Minx - I have friends in high places, the squirrel rules supreme!

And finally, Mr Barboy, you shall not ever mention madness or anything to do with NUTS again, I have friends in the ~~kebab van~~ dining hall at your Inn.

Bleedin' Squirrel's Hijacked me Blog!

2009-09-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

Is nothing sacred!

7 Days and Counting

2009-09-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

Back to school next week:-(

Today Barman bought me a nice new jotter, a proper grown up one with coloured tabs, no excuses now for being totally disorganised and untidy *cough*.

It is quite amusing to look through last year's jotter and see relatively neat, orderly writing, followed by an ever decreasing scrawly mess as the academic year progressed.

Drafting is one of my favourite subjects, but having not done any for a few months, I'd completely forgotten how to do it and had put off doing the homework until yesterday. Thankfully the thinking about it was much worse than the reality of doing it and I managed to get the work done in a couple of hours. I've still got the counterclaim (of a defence and counterclaim) to do, but I think that it'll be ok?

I've had the timetable through for next year and we have a change of tutor for all of the subjects. There is one tutor who has an excellent reputation for his advocacy tuition and my small group has him for the most of year two. Best of all, my favourite tutor (who we only had on the odd occasion) is teaching my group Opinion Writing and Drafting. If I don't go into airhead mode, I stand a chance of doing ok in the written skills, but I can be very blinkered at times and miss out the most obvious points!

Most of the home work is done (in a fashion), but I need a couple of days to tidy it all up. I'm hoping to grab one or two days next week to have a break. Having worked and studied through the Summer hols, I'm shattered and am in need of some shoe shopping.

p.s. this is my 100th blog post and I've still got readers! Must be a hell of a lot of insomniacs out there!

Suffer the little children

2009-09-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

Today's news has yet again shown just how cruel children can be. At Sheffield Crown Court, charges of attempted murder were dropped against two young brothers, who instead have pleaded guilty to the 'lesser' charge of GBH. The timely pleas will spare the victims of having to relive the ordeal that left one of them running half naked down the road covered in blood and crying for help and the other fighting for his life. Such was the brutality of the attack on the second, child victim that he begged to be allowed to die. The young defendants had only just been placed into foster care when they committed the crimes, but had previously attacked another child, a crime that was 'under investigation' by a lethargic and ineffective police force.

The case made me think of my first year of LLB, when I studied a little bit of criminology and had to write a short essay on the theories relating to why children become criminals - nature, nurture or environment. Each theorist put across compelling views as to why some children are criminals and at the end of the module I was undecided as to which theory was the most persuasive. These latest two defendants come from a dysfunctional family and a rough area of Yorkshire, so it's take your pick really as to why they became criminals.

Comparisons of this latest case are being made to Robert Thompson and John Venebles, who killed 2 year old James Bulger after abducting him in a shopping centre. No-one really knows what has become of those child murderers, who successfully obtained an injunction protecting their identities for life and were released several years ago. There were rumours that they had been sent to Australia to start new lives and further rumours that one is set to marry shortly, whilst the other lives with his partner who is unaware of his past.

It's a complex problem that has no solution, on the one hand to reveal the new identities of Venebles and Thompson would no doubt lead to seriously endangering their lives, but on the other hand how would you feel if it transpired that one of them lived next door to you and your young children, but the authorities failed to inform you of your neighbour's past because their right to safety was paramount to that of your children? Is it possible that someone who is capable of committing a truly horrific crime is capable of being rehabilitated and is therefore no longer a threat to society?

2 steps forward, 1 step back

2009-08-25T14:54:00.000-07:00

Just as I thought that I was getting somewhere with the BVC Summer Spoiler (homework), I received an email informing me that there has been a change in the first Advocacy SGS. Funnily enough, it was one of homework's that I'd tackled and proudly ticked off my list on Sunday morning.

Evidence-in-Chief. Bugger, does that mean I have to be nice to the witness?

At present I'm working on an Opinion and I don't mind admitting that it's gruelling. Contract law just baffles me at times and I seem to go off at tangents and suddenly realise that I've missed out the most obvious point completely. I guess I'm up to about 3'500 words so far and still haven't ventured out of liability into remedies. I eagerly await getting to the Writing Skills class to hear "right how many of you idjuts went down the contract route before realising that it is really a negligence claim - oh just the one of you then".

I imagine that some/many of my classmates won't bother doing it, or much other homework come to that, but I thought that I'd better have a go seeing as the Opinion Writing exam is one of the first exams that we do in the second year. All of our Opinion Writing to date has been on civil law, I'm not sure whether or not we do any criminal Opinions, but it would make a nice change.

Legally Ginge has finally come out the closet, so to speak, and has published her first blog post. I've added LG's blog to my blogroll and recommend that you nip over to her place for a quick gossip.

Just as Bar-Os seemed to be on the mend from his cough, he's had a set back. At first it looked to be quite serious, he'd had a nosebleed which appeared to be coming from both nostrils (a sign that there is something untoward in his respiratory tract), but it hasn't re-occurred and it may now be that it was only one nostril, but the blood had smeared across to the other one. I took him out for a walk on Sunday and he immediately went across to the orchard looking for pears and it transpires that if none are to be found, he attempts to climb the tree in search of it's offerings. Me thinks that he has perhaps upset a wasp or two with his scrumping and they gave him what for up said nostril.

Living in the country is mostly very nice, but the insects can take over the place at times. This year has been particularly bad for wasps (or I suppose good if you happen to be a wasp!), and my house has also been invaded by spiders, loads of them in all shapes and sizes, David Bellamy would be in his element:-) . I haven't seen many hedgehogs this year, but there are plenty of squirrels about, which up until last year had disappeared from the village. I had a stable built last year and the swallows have been regularly inspecting the place, but none have taken up residence yet. Starlings seem to be making a come back this year and we also have some sparrows which seem to be constantly arguing with one another, to the point where I have to go outside and tell them to clear off.

As for pigeons, there are loads of them and they seem to spend their entire time copulating on my fence or performing ridiculous mating rituals around the garden. I used to be quite indifferent to them, but they are starting to piss me off with their seemingly insatiable appetite for nooky next to the window ("more tea vicar").

On a more serious note, I read with sadness and dismay the Nearly Legal article about the BVC student who sought judicial review following 2 failed assessment results, which resulted in her failing BVC. Most surprising was the appeal process and the difference in marking between the provider and the external marker, one of which failed the student, the other awarding a V.C. I must admit that the article has unnerved me, to the point where I'm now considering that it is probably not a good idea to choose Advanced Criminal Litigation as one of my options, simply because it's too easy for an examiner to take a personal dislike to a student and fail them. The written skills exams do not require the student to provide their name, so marking is blind, but the oral skills exams by their very nature do not offer such protection.

Although the student was eventually awarded her BVC, it took some doing to achieve justice and the whole process must have had very serious consequences on her career because it appears that this matter has rumbled on for 3 or more years. I am not certain whether her BVC will run from when she should have graduated (but for the fail), or whether it will run from the judicial review decision, but either way, 3 years is a long time to be waiting and must have proved very demoralising at times.

To think that we BVCers pay such vast amounts of money to our providers, I can't help but think that there needs to be some way of ensuring that this sort of thing doesn't happen on a regular basis. Perhaps it should be that all oral skills exams are marked only by independent examiners and double checked to ensure conformity? What do you think?

Ooh you are awful, but...

2009-08-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

As part of the Bar Vocational Course I have to fulfil 4 court visits and write a report on the cases that I see.

Today I went to the beautiful old Crown Court pictured above and those suppressed emotions re-emerged. I want to be a Criminal Barrister.

I know the money is rubbish, the hours of work expected are unreasonable, the criminal justice system is on its knees, job prospects are abysmal, but there's nothing quite like it. I was insanely jealous when the barristers swooshed past in their gowns, rushing from one hearing to another, overworked and underpaid. On the way home my mind was awash with the evidence that I'd heard, what was good, bad or indifferent about the advocates that I'd listened to and watched, how the judge dealt with that evidence and what the possible outcome of the case might be.

In hindsight, I should have spent the day at a County Court and those old passions would have remained submerged.

Perhaps there's a cure, a sort of Criminal Barristers to be Anonymous?

Don't Panic Captain Mainwaring

2009-08-15T03:34:00.001-07:00

In a month's time I will be back at school and the enormity of the Summer homework schedule has just sunk in. I've been ploughing through some Civil Litigation and Criminal Litigation homework, but there's just so much left to do. I have an Opinion to do, a Writing Skills workbook to fill in, some Drafting homework, preparation for the start of the Negotiation module and also preparation for the commencement of the Examination-in-Chief element of Advocacy (which I know nothing about at all). Oh, and I must also find time to spend a day in court and prepare a written report on the case. None of it looks easy, most of the subject matter is new, so I'll need to spend time researching unfamiliar areas of law.

Back in June it all looked achievable, but now in mid-August it's not going quite as planned.

Crikey! 8 exams, countless mocks, options, homework, revision for MCT...

One day I'll laugh about all of this, but right now I need chocolate.

Pupillage

2009-08-07T05:27:00.000-07:00

I'm new to this game, pupillage applications that is, so I've nothing to compare this year's experience with. However, to my mind and I'm sure that many of you will disagree, I believe that the pursuance of so called 'fairness and transparency' that is being promulgated via the OLPAS PP system is actually making matters worse for aspirants.

From what's been said, there are Chambers out there who have already given 'the nod' to someone for a pupillage, but nevertheless go through the charade of posting a vacancy on the Pupillage Portal. How many people wasted precious applications on sets who had no intention of recruiting from the Portal applicants? How many people sat in interviews wondering why the committee didn't seem to want to interview them? And what about the Chambers that don't set out what they REALLY want. How many aspirants have turned up for interview at a 'mixed set' (according to the description offered via the Chambers website) hoping to pursue their dream of civil law, only to be told that in actual fact the set is 98% crime and that it is a criminal pupillage that they are offering?

The timing is very odd too. Most BVCers are up to their neck in Bar finals and have to spend precious time filling in applications, when they really don't have the time to do so, hence the last minute dash and somewhat inevitable crashing of the PP on the last day.

And why once a year? Why not all year round with pupillage vacancies appearing as and when?

We aren't mayflies you know!

It seems to me that the endless regulation actually makes matters worse. If a Chambers is hell bent on giving pupillage to a senior member's relative, so be it, it happens in other walks of life, why waste everyone's time and effort in pretending otherwise. I'd rather know beforehand. It's the same with the application criteria, it needs to be more up front. If a Chambers won't interview anyone without a first or a masters, or from oxbridge, just say so and be done with it, it would be far better to know beforehand.

I also believe that if Chambers were allowed more freedom to actually say what they want (or don't), it would be far easier for applicants to sort the wheat from the chaff and actually know where they stand before wasting applications on futile aspirations. Why so far in advance too, surely it makes sense for Chambers to recruit as and when they think a need will arise, rather than speculatively recruiting so far in advance?

And whilst I'm having a good old moan, a major problem encountered by Chambers and applicants alike is the sheer volume of applications received, why not reduce that by stipulating that only those enrolled on BVC may apply, surely that one single measure would reduce numbers quite significantly and give those who have taken the commitment of BVC a better chance, against those who are merely having a speculative punt.

Why isn't part of the BVC actually placing students in various Chambers for a proper insight into that given set, and providing a 'yes we like you, no you're not our cup of tea' feedback that may provide a springboard for application. I know that some Chambers offer mini-pupillages with an assessment element, but many just go through the motions of having someone following them around for a few days and make little effort to actually provide a proper insight into their Chambers

Now I've annoyed both you and myself, I must get back to Mr Blackstone's who is desperately trying to educate me on the ins and outs of the role of Prosecution Counsel; lovely!

It's the simple things in life

2009-08-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a long time since I had 16 hands between my legs, but you will be pleased to know that it was a most enjoyable experience and one that I hadn't experienced for some considerable time. Bar-Os was a true gent and gave me a very pleasurable time indeed. You see bloggers, it's the simple things in life that make me smile the most. I stayed the distance despite my age and my thighs were only slightly bruised the following day and what's more, it brought a rosy glow to my cheeks.

I should perhaps, in the interests of decency, not that for one moment I assumed you would think any other of a very proper and ladylike Bar student of a certain age, who is wed to another who is not Bar-Os, but is Barman, point out that a horses height is measured in hands, hence the 16 hands, not that you were thinking any other of course, all of you being of an innocent disposition and such high minded individuals of immense intellectual capacity, in that such smut would never have even entered your thoughts, but just in case...

Proud Owner of an AWARD

2009-07-26T12:59:00.000-07:00

MOST REJECTED ASPIRANT AWARD - AKA STITCH THAT BPP AWARD!!!!

What can I say?

A very big thankyou to the lovely Chambers without whom, none of this would be possible. I've never felt so modest, being rejected 37 times is a truly glorious accolade from such a singularly mediocre set, and as you can imagine, receiving 36 of them within the space of a few hours made me feel so very special.

Also a big round of applause to my provider, without whom I'd have never had so many wrinkles, grey hairs, homework and well, books! They drive a hard bargain, but I'm banking on them to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse before next June:-)

Good luck to the rest of you who have yet to aspire to such dizzy heights of success, and a special thankyou to Lawminx for the lovely, award ceremony spread - curly sandwiches, soggy sausage rolls and the amazingly delicious homemade desert of squirty cream with prawns.

But seriously, all the very best to those of you who are awaiting news on the 31st.

Back in the saddle

2009-07-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

Bar-Os has not been mentioned for ages, mostly due to the fact that he has been unwell. He had a couple of months off over the Winter whilst I was busy with BVC and he's also had a cough since March that started off badly and has slowly improved. There were no other symptoms of illness, no loss of appetite (that'll be the day!), no raised temperature, just an awkward raspy cough that has resulted in my being unable to ride him. The vet has seen him on occasions and recommended that he be rested until better. In the meantime, Bar-Os has somewhat prematurely decided that he has given up work as a bad job and has been a bit of a handful to say the least. Usually a steady sort of chap, he's decided somewhere along the line (during his hols) that he's a speed merchant and tomorrow I have the unenviable task of taking him out for ride. The thing is, when he's a bit miffed he likes to do 'Irish dancing', he sort of doesn't go anywhere much, but dances on the spot very quickly, all four legs going like bees wings. A gentle squeeze to coax him forward usually results in a 'how very dare you' response and a tantrum. Tomorrow, my main objective is to sit quietly in the saddle, ignore the laughing from Barman and to elegantly and gracefully walk out of the yard into the countryside - a picture of 'oneness' with my horse - yeh right ok, I'll settle for staying on board for the duration and looking like a rag doll at the end of it, but still astride.

I'm already back in the saddle, so to speak, with the BVC. In fact due to pupillage applications and also researching a complex legal issue for a relative involving Lawful Development Certificates, I've not had much of a break and my 'day job' has also been keeping me busy too. Today I'm catching up on paperwork, interspersed with the delights of learning all about Part 36 Offers. I'm sure that they are probably quite easy to understand in practice, but sat reading all about them is a little baffling to say the least.

The days seem to be flying past and I've much to do before I go back to 'school' in September. All efforts to improve my bank balance have so far failed and I can't believe how impecunious I am. This I feel is because of the multi-tasking required when studying part-time, and the way that it impacts upon working life, everything gets a little neglected.

Having only sat 4 exams this year, I admit to feeling quite apprehensive about next year and the 8 remaining Bar exams, which I suppose is what has prompted me into an early resumption of studies. One thing is for sure, I will be extremely pleased to get next year over and done with and to finally complete BVC. Not that I haven't enjoyed most of it, but it is an extremely stressful existence and it demands a great deal of time and effort. Electives keep springing to mind, and as of yet I'm completely undecided what 2 subjects to choose. Nothing has been mentioned about them to date, so I'm assuming that we will receive some guidance on them before we choose. I'm thinking that Judicial Review will be quite useful because of my subject interests in environmental and quasi criminal law. Perhaps the Advanced Criminal Litigation module too? Would those of you who have already completed BVC care to tell what you liked/didn't like about your electives?

What?

2009-07-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

I have spent oodles of time preparing an Advice on the Law - formatting, paragraph numbering, underlining, italicising, spell checking, punctuating, word counting, (swearing), deleting, word counting again, tweaking and faffing, only to discover that when I copied and pasted it into the required (online) application boxes, the bloody thing looked like a 2 year old had done it and there was no way to alter it.

To add insult to injury, I then had to take an online verbal reasoning test, 30 questions, 15 minutes. Bugger, I didn't finish it and if I'm honest about 3 minutes into the test my brain just said "nope, had enough, not doin it, it's not my sorta thing, don't know what they're on about, damn fangled intelligence tests, don't need it, too old, too tired, too thick, ta ta, I'm outa here". I'm sure the timer said that I had 2 minutes remaining when it clicked off? Perhaps I had a space cadet moment and just sat there, oblivious to time and surroundings?

I'd have felt much more comfortable with an Ikea flat pack set, I can do those, in fact I'm impressive with them and usually only need the one sticking plaster when I've finished.

Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.

Looks like it's back to plan B then! Does anyone know what plan B is and where I can get one?

Half Time Submission

2009-06-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

Some readers will be starting BVC this Autumn and perhaps some readers are contemplating BVC at some point in the future. I thought that it might be of interest for me to provide aspirants with a short(ish) perspective on how BVC has panned out so far and what my take on the course is. Of course there will be others who perhaps won't share my views and I hope that they too will offer their views of BVC in my blog's comments section. For those of you who may be concerned about your identity being revealed, there is an anonymous option provided when posting a comment and I don't have sight of anyone's email address, so your privacy is protected.

Where do I start? Well, I know that I was pretty uptight about BVC prior to starting the course, not least because there wasn't really that much information that meant anything sensible to the uninitiated. I trawled the web looking for information and stumbled across a few blogs that gave a glimpse of BVC, but many of my worries/questions were not quelled/answered. Having studied LLB part-time, in a group where all of the other students were taking the LPC route, I was out on a limb regarding any sort of meaningful conversation/information about Bar School. I purchased 'Bewigged and Bewildered' and recommend the book for anyone contemplating BVC. It's a pity that Law Minx's blog was hi-jacked last year because many of her earlier posts provided an insight into the BVC, but as far as I know (and I'm sure LM herself will correct me if I'm wrong), the early stuff was lost when the blog was kidnapped.

First of all, it is a very popular myth that BVC is some sort of a joke course. I was under the impression before commencing BVC, that merely showing my face now and then would be adequate in fulfilling the requirements of BVC. My experience to date (and I have no reason to suspect that things will alter next year) is that BVC is a very demanding course. Any pre-conceptions that I held were quickly blown out of the water, once BVC started. My provider threw us in at the deep end and the monthly reading list approached 1000 pages and my 20 hours per week study time was quickly expanded to almost double that. I remember only too vividly my despair around Christmas time, when everything seemed to overwhelm me and the studying mixed in with work and family was relentless (although I did manage to have Christmas day off!).

It all sounds very doom and gloom so far, but I don't really intend to cast that sort of picture. BVC is an extremely expensive course and I for one would have been very disappointed had the course lacked intensity and content. I dare say that a student can get away with, to a certain extent, not doing much work, but it is a risky business and based on the failure figures for the Criminal Litigation exam (approx one third of students failed), I for one am pleased that I took the course seriously and put the work in. It should be borne in mind that I'm part-time and as such my experiences will differ somewhat to the full-timers. I will now try and paint a picture of the BVC modules that I have studied so far:

Criminal Litigation

There is a lot of reading and a lot to digest. I'm sure that I've already forgotten most of it, but naturally evidence plays a big part, along with sentencing and PACE. Either-way offences are a popular topic, no doubt because they form the bread and butter of a fledgling criminal barrister's workload. Criminal Litigation must be taken seriously because a BVC student will rely on it in other modules too, particularly Conference and Advocacy. My provider provided Blackstone's, Archbold and Archbold Magistrates Guide for this module, but perhaps other providers differ. We weren't provided with the ICSL Crim Lit manual and I bought one, but it should be perused with care because some of the provisions contained in it are not yet in force, I have more or less abandoned the manual because I messed up one month's homework relying on it.

Civil Litigation

Much of what is studied is contained within the White Book and seeing as the tome is relatively modern, it's fairly easy to comprehend, however the sheer volume of information that needs to be remembered at exam time makes this module quite demanding, not least because there are a lot of timescales to learn. It is quite boring at times, but again it needs to be learnt because you will refer to the Civil Procedure Rules in Advocacy classes. The subtleties of Civil Litigation can catch one out if not careful - some of the rules are discretionary, others mandatory and it is easy to confuse the two.

Legal Research

What can I say? It is a pig of a module, very time consuming and there are no shortcuts. I believe that it is being dropped from the BVC syllabus, which is a great shame as I firmly believe that others should suffer as I did:-) But seriously, I thought that I already knew how to do Legal Research when I started BVC because it was part of my LLB course, was I in for a surprise. It is the most useful module that I have learnt to date and its rumoured demise is IMO a mistake. Take Legal Research for granted at your peril, you will need to be on the ball with the latest legislation in other BVC modules.

Conference

I really enjoyed this module, but some students hate it. Essentially Conference is interviewing a client. A relaxed, personable outer self is needed, combined with sharpness of mind to glean any snippets of information that may turn a case/defence on its head. My provider expects a fair amount of paperwork to go with the oral skills. A Conference Plan outlines the areas of questioning, followed by an analysis of the law in relation to liability/culpability, remedies/sentencing. Conference requires good inter-personal skills, combined with a decent knowledge of the law. Whether or not I have the said skills remains to be seen because I haven't received my exam result yet. Negotiation is also a separate BVC module, but I don't start Negotiation until this Autumn, so am at present unable to comment on its content.

Advocacy

For me, this has been the most disappointing module. It is such an important skill, but we part-timers are meant to learn it by some sort of long distance, subliminal process. In real terms we get less than 15 minutes per student, per month, to make our submissions and be marked on the said submission. Each month we make different submissions - eg. one month a bail application, next month an interim injunction application etc.. I had anticipated that a great deal more guidance and time would be spent on teaching Advocacy. In all fairness, from what I gather this criticism spans all of the providers, so it is an area that needs improvement and no, I don't think that we should be trying to teach ourselves the Art, BVC is expensive, we deserve to be taught this module thoroughly. I should add that this is not a criticism of the Advocacy tutors, merely that there isn't enough time spent on it. Perhaps the full time students get a fairer time allocation for their Advocacy?

Opinion Writing

This module requires a meticulous approach to law. An Opinion is basically a written document, often requested prior to litigation, that sets out the law in relation to the Claimant's/Defendant's case. The merits and pitfalls of any potential proceedings are set out, along with advice on remedies available (such as quantum). I'm not going to go any further on this topic as I don't at this point consider myself fully informed on Opinion Writing, much of the teaching of this module commences in year 2.

Drafting

I had no idea that barristers had to draft documents before I started BVC, I assumed that the judge did all of that. I approached this module with extreme fear, but I really like Drafting. It is probably one of the most difficult modules, but extremely rewarding. As with Opinion Writing, I'm only part way through this module, so cannot offer a fully informed insight, however I imagine that Drafting skills/exam results will be based on how good the tutor is, as it requires a very clear and methodical style of teaching, accompanied with the patience of a Saint.

I haven't chosen any electives yet, they form part of year 2, so I cannot offer any guidance on them.

Most importantly, I can truly say, that never have I learnt so much in such a relatively short space of time. BVC has stretched my mind beyond what I thought it capable of, whether that newly learned knowledge is of any use or not remains to be seen, but it's been one hell of an experience getting this far.

If I can offer one BVC tip, try to get along with your classmates, build trusting relationships and share your worries with them, if they are worth their salt, they will support you and help you. If they turn their back on you, wipe the floor with them during Advocacy, it's very satisfying:-)

You're once, twice, thirty seven times rejected

2009-06-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

I applied for a non-olpas pupillage 3 months ago and was rejected by the Chambers about 6 weeks later. Pretty bog standard so far I hear you say, but yesterday I received another rejection from them, followed by a gap, followed by a dozen further, late morning rejections from the same Chambers. At this point the clerk must have broken off for a little light lunch before resuming his now truly onerous task for the afternoon, that of rejecting Barmaid another 24 times.

I ran an idea past Swizzle and collectively we have agreed that I should start off with the very smallest font and simply reply to the first email 'OK', followed by ever increasing Okay's until the thirty seventh reply is the most humongously large OK that is possible, might even have to send 2 emails, one with an 'O', the other with a 'K'.

Yesterday I finally tackled the job of sorting out all of my BVC folders, which were in various states of disarray, and today I have cleaned out my kitchen cupboards and tidied the garage. So, that's enough Domestic Goddessness for 1 year, I'm now itching to get my teeth into something pupillagey, so if there are any Chambers out there who would like to engage the services of a pupil/cleaner with an immaculate garage and show room shiny kitchen, I'm your (wo)man. p.s. You won't need to tell me everything 37 times, once usually does the trick:-)

Was it something I said?

2009-06-17T04:34:00.000-07:00

At times like this I like to massage my cerebral hemisphere with literary works of profound meaning and intellectual reasoning. Unable to find anything suitable, the following will have to do:

I'm a little fairy

I don't swear

S**t, B****r, A*******s

I don't care

Rejected after screening, how VERY dare they!

What goes around...

2009-06-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

Regular readers may recall that I live in a rural location. My nearest town is about 8 miles away, it's a small gossipy market town that seems to have more than its fair share of sinister events. There are certain persons within the local town that have a certain reputation and one person in particular, over the years, has gained a reputation for being untouchable by the police, despite his reputation for walking on the wrong side of the thin blue line.

Many years ago, a young woman was murdered in the local town, her body was found underneath a railway bridge, she had been sexually assaulted, beaten and bitten. The young woman had been attacked on her way home following a night out at the town's nightclub. Rumours abounded as to who the murderer was and the finger pointed firmly at a certain individual, but he wasn't convicted. A friend of the certain person, who was not quite 'all there' was tried and convicted for the murder, but it was always rumoured that the wrong person went to jail and the defendant had been duped into confessing.

Some years later, the certain individual was under suspicion again, this time for firearms offences. Following a police chase, his car was found abandoned and the driver had legged it across the fields to escape arrest. Evidence was seized (a substantial amount of money), but the money 'disappeared' from the police station and the charges were dropped. This man seemed to be untouchable and blatant with it, rules were for other people.

It seemed that the certain person craved attention. Driving his Ferrari at full speed up a narrow one-way street, dive bombing trains in his Micolight, walking around town with another man on a leash, on his hands and knees pretending to be a guard dog, mounting the pavement in his car to frighten pedestrians, the list goes on.

His father hung himself and rumour had it that the suicide was due to the shame that his son had bestowed on the family. I remember that day, I was in the local town visiting a sunbed parlour (they were all the rage in the 80's) and the certain person was in an adjacent cubicle topping up his tan, even though he'd learnt only a few hours previously that his father was dead.

This certain person always had plenty of money and most certainly enjoyed flashing the cash around town. He had a part share in a local business and I always wondered how on earth the business could produce such profits, in the small market town, for such a lavish lifestyle. Seems I wasn't the only one wondering just how a small town business produced such profits. I remember many years ago, a conversation in a local pub, a local policeman was talking about the certain individual and stating that he didn't care how long it took, he was sure that one day the certain individual would come unstuck and the police would 'have him'.

Scroll forward several years - a neighbour of mine told me that he was going to a party to celebrate the inevitable acquittal of the certain person (who's trial had just finished, but the jury were still deciding). The party was a lavish affair, you see the barrister had assured the certain person that there was no way he could be convicted, not enough evidence, so the certain person's mother had held a party to celebrate son's imminent home-coming.

However for once it seems, the police did a half decent job of collecting evidence and they proved that even running at maximum capacity, the small market town business could not produce profits to account for the lavish home and cars etc. that belonged to the certain person. Certain person got 17 years and a little while later, several more years were added as the police uncovered more evidence for additional crimes. There was even a charge for illegal abstraction of electricity, seems that the certain person had tapped into a local factory's electricity supply and used that electricity to heat his swimming pool (I had to smile at that one).

Glancing through recent House of Lord's decisions in search of material for some BVC homework, I noticed a case with the distinctive surname of the certain individual, and sure enough, there he was appealing on a point of law, but his appeal was not successful. It seems that eventually the untouchable certain person became too brave, too blatant, too clever, upset too many people in the small market town that never forgets. It seems that what goes around comes around, but sometimes it takes a long, long time.

There it was gone

2009-06-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

At long last year 1 of BVC is over. Today I feel relaxed but exhausted. There is a mountain of study materials to sort out and to file, but I think it will have to wait for a day or two.

The Advocacy exam went quite well, the 12 minutes seemed to pass very quickly and I was amazed when it was all over. Luckily my nerves were ok during the exam, but my legs turned to jelly afterwards and I was unable to eat anything until evening time due to the butterflies. In fact it was really quite enjoyable in a masochistic sort of way. Some of the younger students were extremely distressed before the exam and I had to take myself off and hide in a corner away from them and make myself stay focused. I had practised my opening lines so many times and had convinced myself that if I got through the preliminaries smoothly, succinctly and calmly, the main bulk of my submissions would be so much easier to handle. I think the strategy paid off, as for me the nerves are always worst at the beginning.

The results to my mock Drafting exam were ok too and the few minutes individual feedback from the tutor were extremely helpful. Drafting is a difficult module, it resembles nothing that is studied at LLB level, so there are no transferable skills to speak of (apart from the obvious, such as spelling and punctuation), but it is a rewarding module and has more reality attached to it than other modules, which by necessity of law school confines, have a synthetic and sometimes silly feel about them. I must admit that it feels very 'grown up' to have Drafted a Particulars of Claim or an Injunction reasonably successfully.

I now need to concentrate on my 'proper' job and bring in some money before BVC recommences in September.

Olpasiformia Nervosa

2009-06-03T05:13:00.000-07:00

It seems that I have had a sudden relapse of the Olpasiformia Nervosa that struck me down a few weeks back.

Everything was fine until last week when I discovered that I had to log onto PP to check my applications progress (I know, I too worry about how thick I am at times). I'd assumed that we received an email to our regular email address.

So the most vicious side effect of Olpasiformia Nervosa has emerged, the OCD. Yes I know it's unhealthy to keep checking the Portal, but I can't help it, I'm strangely drawn to it, like a moth to a flame.

To date I have received three rejections and one request for references from a non-OLPAS application. I think I'd prefer to receive the news all in one go, at least then I could have a 5 minute swearathon, blame it all on Gordon Brown and resume business as usual.

Anyways, I must dash, I've got to go and water my plants, well ok, I admit it then, I'm off to check the Portal, just in case...

Revelation

2009-05-29T15:13:00.000-07:00

Last Christmas I bought myself a book from Amazon without actually looking at what it was about (I was buying books for everyone else and added one for myself as an afterthought). I just chose the side-bar option for crime/thriller and picked the book with a high reader ranking. Imagine my shock when opening the book and reading the words:

'The high chandeliers of Lincoln's Inn were ablaze with candles, for it was late afternoon when the play began. Most members of Lincoln's Inn were present, the barristers in their robes...'

Unfortunately the demands of BVC meant that I didn't get a chance to read the book until earlier this week. It's set in 1543 and tells the story of Matthew Shardlake, a barrister who becomes involved in the hunt for a serial killer. If you are looking for a good book to disappear into, I recommend C.J. Sansom's 'Revelation'.

In a week's time year 1 of BVC will be over, I have the first of 3 Advocacy assessments next week and need to knuckle down and get myself sorted. As far as I'm aware, we have a long wait for the results which aren't released until mid-July, along with the Conference results. All in all it's been a tough year and I suspect next year will be equally, if not more demanding because year 2 contains the bulk of the 12 BVC assessments. The thought of another Civil/Criminal Litigation exam fills me with dread, so much information to try and memorise in such a short space of time. The remaining exams include Negotiation (which we haven't started yet), Drafting, Opinion Writing, 2 more Advocacy, 2 x electives and the aforementioned Civil/Criminal MCT.

Oh well, no-one said it would be easy - well actually they did, they must've been having a laugh.

Easy month - yeh right!

2009-05-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

It should have been a fairly easy month this month. Just the Advocacy exam to prepare for and some drafting homework (which I haven't looked at yet), but as ever I have yet again been burning the midnight oil, mostly due to my own fault for having a bright idea a few weeks back when I decided to submit a short written piece into a competition for a moot.

The results for the competition were due out and I heard nothing, so assumed that my paper had been rejected. However, a few days later I received an email saying that I'd been chosen to take part in the moot and sorry for the delay. No problem thought I, a nice little burglary or perhaps a criminal damage or maybe even a simple little negligence appeal, you know the sort, Mr Clumsy fell of a ladder and wants to appeal on the basis that the £70 damages awarded for the slight injury to his ankle did not take account of the massive injury to his pride . Mmm, I should be so lucky, I have spent a week trying to do a whistlestop tour of statutory and common law fraud since Victorian times right up to the present day Fraud Act 2006.

Golly Ghosh and touchy Feely, it's been a busy week and I'm far from certain that I have really got the gist of some of the caselaw that existed prior to Feely. What a subject to try to get to grips with in the space of a few days. Apparently I did study Ghosh during LLB, but it is all a (very) distant memory, so distant in fact that I have no recollection of it at all. I blame it on the Olpasiformia Nervosa, it's been a devil to shake off and I'm still not quite back to my old self.

Roll on June and the Summer break - my brain is full to bursting and my bank balance is empty, apart from that all is well.

Y is for Yokel

2009-05-07T03:32:00.000-07:00

Yokel -n (disparaging) - a person who lives in the country, esp. one who appears simple and old fashioned.

What can I say, guilty as charged:-)

Today I should be putting the finishing touches to my skeleton argument, today I have done nothing of any use so far and having taken a look at the skellie, it's not so much a matter of finishing touches, but a complete overhaul that is required. Oh well, I guess somewhere along the line I'll get the hang of them.