The weather was a little milder on Saturday, but still damp and pretty miserable, so Bar-Os had to wear his turnout rug as is usual for this time of year. He is usually clipped in Winter, but because he's on holiday he has grown his fur and is basically a hairy monster.The problem with this hair growing thing is that when the weather is a little milder, he gets quite hot, and when he gets quite hot he does certain things to cool off, such as rolling in mud.
So, there I am, taking a pleasant morning walk through the village on my way to the field and somehow got the feeling that people were paying quite a bit of attention to Bar-Os, he is a handsome chap thought I, no wonder people stop and stare and smile *mum's heart swells with pride*. I smiled at the neighbours, waved gratefully to the motorists that slowed down to allow us to pass safely, boy did they slow down, how good people are to think of our safety. However this attention did seem to be a little more avid than usual, so once I got near to the field I stopped to check him over and realised just why people were staring. You see when (male) horses feel warm and relaxed then 'dangle' and when Bar-Os dangles, it's well, quite an eyeful really. All very embarrassing for me and probably quite shocking to young innocents, sat in the back of Dad' car on their way to the shops.
I do wonder if I'm going to get a visit from the local constabulary, "Mrs Barmaid, I am arresting you on suspicion of allowing or permitting, on a public highway, the dangling of a said member, of a said ors you were in charge of, without lawful excuse or a licence", you do not have to say anything...".
Wonder if it's a strict liability offence?
7 comments:
Thank heavens Bar-Os wasn't to be found 'dangling' , so to speak, in the back of a Reliant Robin - that would have been a TRUE case of strict liability!!!!
( work with me here, I am in surrealist mode this morning, possibly because I haven't had my brekfast)
I have just had 'breakfast', one lemon curd butty and a packet of crisps, *tut*, but I did have salad for dinner last night, so it's not all bad.
Unfortunately I have to be grounded today because I'm desperate to get this bloomin' Legal Research finished, only another 42 pages to go...
I need chocolate:-)
Blimey, it all happens in the country doesn't it.
My burning question though, unrelated to his appendage, or perhaps not, if he is on holiday, where does he normally work?
Is it down a coal mine, or is he a porn star?
Brighton Beach maybe, or Derby Day at the races?
Or is he working on an advertising campaign for Macleans toothpaste?
Blimey
Swizz
Bar-Os has appeared in a number of media productions, both as his good self and also in body double roles, most notably he was in fact the 'lunchbox' featured in the David Beckham 'big posh pants' advertisement (well you didn't think our Mr Beckham could run around a football pitch with that monster weighing him down did you?).
Bar-Os did audition a time or two for a few porn roles, but two things went against him:
1) he doesn't have a blonde moustache; and
2) he farts quite a lot and the film crew thought that this affliction somewhat spoilt the 'ambience' of the film set and interupted the scant but meaningful dialogue exchanges between the thespians involved (it is 'thespians' I'm thinking of isn't it?).
Hm - I wonder if Bar Os Farts as much as my dog, Duchess Absolute of the Camarthen and District Farting Championship? (as sponsored by Tesco's manufacturers of quality fart, er sorry dog food)
If dogs have 200 squillion receptacles in their noses, why don't they bat an eyelid when they fart?
Are they thinking that someone else will own up if they pretend it wasn't them?
How can they not bat an eyelid when it smells so bad?
Minxy, if you think Tesco dog food is bad, try your dog on Lidl dog food. Positively explosive!
BM, can you ask Bar ors if being a porn star is easier to get into than a pupillage? I might give it some thought.
Swizz
Does one avenue have to be exclusive to the other Swizz? Pupillage and porn, pretty good mix I'd have thought.
Can't imagine the Bar Council would object, and even if they did, just tell em that you are entitled to freedom of expression under the HRA and anyway, who the hell can live on pupillage wages without a little extra income.
I'm all for diversity at the Bar, not too sure a blonde moustache would look good on me though, I'm quite used to the black one:-)
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