Bar-Os' paddock is on the outskirts of the village, tucked away down a lane that is lined with hawthorn. It's quite peaceful down the lane and no-one walks there much. So, there I was, in the paddock 'sorting out' Bar-Os. I usually take him into the field shelter, but as he was settled by the fence, talking to the mare in the adjacent field, I decided not to disturb him. A bucket full of freshly 'picked' manure later, I turned to take said manure to the muck heap, when I noticed Raspberry Ripples walking UP the lane with her dog. So, that meant that she must have walked DOWN the lane a few moments earlier.
Oh dear thought I, an explanation is required. I sauntered over to the gate and casually mentioned that Bar-Os was poorly. "Aye" said Raspberry Ripples, "I saw you with your hand up his bum".
There's more...
The lane also has a slight bend in it, just before Bar-Os' paddock, which means that in Summertime, when the hedge is in full leaf, I can't see Bar-Os until I'm almost at his field. To let him know that I'm on my way down the lane I usually shout various terms of endearment to him. He whickers in return and (usually) makes his way to the gate to be brought home for the night. Anyway, on this particular occasion I shouted "Now then, you gorgeous big chap, you coming to bed?". At this point in time I was somewhat surprised to notice a man appearing from around the bend about 10 metres away. But the man was even more surprised than me, I could tell by the terrified look on his face. An explanation is required thought I. "I was talking to my horse" said I. Man looked even more worried and scuttled up the lane pronto. Funnily enough, I haven't seen him since.
On a more tasteful note, I'm missing law. I know, it's a sad confession, but having gotten sick of studying towards the end of BVC, two months or so on I'm missing my legal studies. Not that I'd want to go back to studying that is, but a pupillage would be an ideal antidote. Day job is busy, but I'm bored and restless and yearn to put my studies to good use.
The hotel at the back of my house had another very noisy firework display last weekend and to add insult to injury, they also set about burning a load of rubbish at the back of my house last Sunday. I got back home to discover my upstairs rooms full of smoke. Needless to say, they are now pissing me off upsetting me, and I intend to take matters further. The Environmental Health people have been a waste of time, "Fireworks don't constitute a statutory noise nuisance". My letter of response has, to date, been ignored, but I shall keep badgering them to do something. This is all avoidable, after all, the hotel stands in about 20 acres, much of the land is away from the village, so the fireworks could be set off away from the residential area. But worry not, the Village idjuts/Busybodies Parish Council are taking an interest and are having a meeting in November. Bet that's put the fear of God into the hoteliers;-)
It's more exciting than the Archers innit!
9 comments:
hehe... you'll be getting a name for yourself as the village hussy if you aren't careful when you speak to Bar-Os! :p
Will be interesting to see if the parish council make any difference... they might help you design some placards! :p
How about staging a Halloween-themed raid on the hotel later this month - it would scare the sh*t out of the guests if nothing else! ;-)
Erm, the Parish Council are not the most dynamic bunch of people - the Vicar of Dibley cast holds nothing on em:-) One of em lives about a mile away and no matter what issues are raised, she just says, well it doesn't bother me, I'm far enough away.
Funnily enough, one of my neighbours wanted to do the placard thing. I'm tempted to register a website under similar name to the hotel and post some pics of the suitably cute and cuddly village pets (all looking apprehensive of course).
Maybe the cute and cuddly pets looking apprehensive won't be enough...
You could photoshop them so one or two were lying on their back with their paws turned up, while firework debris rained down on them... perhaps setting fire to their fur in the process?
Might help to convey the message that the hotel's fireworks are proving hazardous to the village wildlife? ;-)
(Gotta go for the shock effect)
I know mums can be embarassing but, maid, honestly. There's poor old Bar O turning on the charm and smoozing the ladeez. Hard enough at the best of times, without having his mum with her arm up his jacksie. I bet Clooney doesn't have that problem.
BB - mares are funny things, she seems even more smitten with Bar-Os since witnessing the 'Barmaid Rake-Out'.
Ah. This would seem to be on a par with that epic medical comment (shouted loudly from behind a curtain) " No, NO, nurse, I told you to PRICK his BOIL!!!"
If the firework noise isnt a stat nuisance, what about the rubbish burning? is it a regular thing and does it cause noxious fumes to head your way? ( is there anything like fly tipping going on there?!)
Catching the Golden Snitch is, I suppose is a bit like the condition of Bar -Os's Bum - one is bunged up for simply AGES, and then - RELIEF-!! Pupillage pops out!!
(above comment now precludes further comment - I tHINK I'll just get my coat.......)
Hiya Minxy, my dubious research skills seem to suggest that fireworks can constitute a statutory nuisance (if displays held on regular basis), but getting any help from LA is nigh on impossible.
Having made a complete arse of myself at recent pup interview, I too can see a connection between Bar-Os' bum and Golden Snitch. Get my coat too whilst your there:-)
At a boy Bar-O's!
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