Saturday 14 March 2009

O is for OLPAS


OLPAS - abbrev. for - Old Lady Perplexed at System


It's like trying to cram a square peg into a round hole.



I mean, one of the first sections is about school! Hardly relevant for an old timer like me, who's secondary school doesn't exist anymore.



"Nope sorry Mrs Barmaid, we are unable to offer you a pupillage, you see we were unable to verify with your form teacher just why you thought it was part of a science experiment to stretch cling film across the staff room toilet." "We don't care that you have matured a little from those days, those damning school report remarks 'has a tendency to be rather silly at times' are somewhat indicative of a person who just isn't suitable to join a profession that prides itself on being sensible and sombre and grown up, and quite frankly we just can't take the risk that during an examination-in-chief, you wouldn't use a pea shooter to try and put orf the other side and in doing so, bring the whole of Chambers and indeed the legal profession into disrepute". "Orf you go Old Dear and mind the step on your way out".










10 comments:

Minx said...

My Dear Maid,

Whilst there is a possibility (yet to be fully explored) that the Bar Council/Bar Standards Board have, in their ZEAL to improve the applications process, actually made the whole thing WORSE, I must take you to task with respect to the "Serious/Sensible/ Sombre" aspect of the profession in wondering whether or not you have attended or if you are yet to attend, an Advocacy Weekend as Run by your Inn, which, I am sure would set you bang to rights on such a thought!

The 50-Year-Old Pupil said...

The school that replaced my school no longer exists and has been demolished. Most of the places I have ever worked are now housing estates or Asdas and I can't even work out which plc would hold my HR files, through so many hands has the goodwill passed.

The Bar doesn't really get how the lay-world works.

Barmaid said...

Minxy, I was all for putting my name down for an advocacy weekend, but tales from a fellow BVCer (who found the experience quite harrowing) has put me right off.

50yop, even worse for me, I've been self employed for years, so guess who I have to put down as referee for current employer! Bit of a problem really.

Anonymous said...

Tish Pashar, My Good Maid - you actually allowed a contemporary to put you OFF?!?! That should NEVER be the case - no matter how much of a pal that person may be, you only have Their 'Word' for it!!!!

Anonymous said...

Maid

I agree with Minxy - many things made me shy away from Cumberland Lodge - having to share a room with a stranger, akward scraping chairs at meal times and just generlly being likely to be somwhat opinionated when the alcohol a flowed. However I did sign up and i have to say it is by far the best thing that I have done of all the sundry trainee barrister practices. Deffo go for it next year if you can!

Ginge

PS If the new app from was meant to put people off it certainl nearly has had that affect on me. I pity the poor hambers who are going to have to pour through thousands and thousands of words of DRIVEL...

Swiss Tony said...

Bar Maid, I hate to pick you up on a teeny weeny point, and we can probably put the blame down to your provider and the dreadful education that you are receiving there, but.....

After S come T, and then U.

Where did the 'O' come from?

Perhaps it shows my maturity and common sense, (or laziness), but I have decided to give ULPUS a few days, maybe a week before venturing into it, by which time all the testing, cursing, crashing and general tomfoolery will be done with. I can't be doing with testing their system for them when the whole thing is bad enough on its own.

Swish

ps Security word 'Frump' No word of a lie. How insulting is that!

Barmaid said...

Ok, so we haven't done the alphabet yet at 'big' school, no big deal, I'm sure we will be up to it once we have mastered tying our shoelaces.

As for the 'frump' word, what can I say? I've passed your details onto Gok Wan, he'll soon have you sorted.

barboy said...

It is good job the application does not go as far as asking for the applicant's junior school (otherwise known by those fine chaps at the BSB as prep school). Mine has long since been converted into an all girl's facility for delinquents.

Barmaid said...

One hell of a tick in the 'diversity box' BB

barboy said...

BM, I am already running with the pre-op trannie, crackhead angle. Diversity is a good way to get noticed but I don't want to overdo it.