Tuesday 13 April 2010

Nice?

As you well know bloggers, I am extremely smitten with Bar-Os and like nothing more than a leisurely afternoon riding about the local highways, by-ways and bridleways, particularly when the weather is nice.


There is a particular ride that I am only able to do at certain times of year, due to the nature of the landscape. The ride starts out along a village lane, then across a farm track and down the side of a wood, before entering the side of a field for a few hundred metres and then comes the tricky bit. There is a grass track that runs between 2 hedgerows, but the track is only a couple of metres wide and is very boggy when there has been rain (hence I’m only able to ride along the track in good weather).


Anyway, the narrow track eventually opens out at the base of a very steep hill, which is flanked either side by trees that overhang the hill, giving it an enchanted forest kind of look. The hill path is nothing more than a dirt track, with the odd bit of rubble laid down to help with grip. Due to the extreme gradient, no-one ventures along there much because it’s very difficult to walk down (due to the slippery surface) and even more difficult to walk up because it’s just so steep. It is very peaceful and very beautiful.


Once you get to the top of the hill, there is a little narrow lane that is one of the most exclusive addresses in the county. There are only 4 houses along there, each worth double the amount of what a similar house anywhere else locally would fetch, but the village itself is extremely quaint and pretty, hence the high price tags.


I love riding down the lane because it gives me a chance to be extremely nosey. I have a bird’s eye view into the gardens and the houses beyond, which, needless to say, are all immaculately kept and very salubrious. One of the houses is substantially bigger than the rest and is owned by a barrister – obviously a very successful one at that.


So, anyway, I’m approaching the big barrister’s house, having a good old look over the wall at the topiary bushes and perfectly raked gravel driveway when I see the barrister wandering down the driveway. He comes to a stop at the edge of his drive and is looking to see where the clip-clop of hooves is coming from.


Upon approach to the barrister and being an amenable sort, I say to said barrister “Nice day”.


Barrister replies, “Nice arse”.


“Oh!” said I, somewhat taken aback by his somewhat forthright comment (but secretly triumphant that my obviously overwhelming sex appeal had driven him to say what was exactly on his mind).


Bar-Os and I sauntered past and we were now approaching the slippery road that leads off the lane, so I had to concentrate really hard on looking out and listening for traffic and my mind left the brief encounter that I had just had with the posh barrister.


Some time later, I was sat having a coffee and my mind returned to the conversation and there was something just not quite right. You see when the barrister said “nice arse” he wasn’t looking directly at me, but more at Bar-Os. Surely he wasn’t making a pass at Bar-Os? I mean, he is gorgeous and all that, but I don’t think for one minute he’d fall for a cheap one liner like that (unlike his mother, unless of course there was a packet of mints involved in the foreplay in which case he’s anybody’s).


The penny dropped a few minutes later – posh barrister – posh accent – “nice horse” is what he’d said.

Silly arse me!








17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ah well now you know the secret. Instead of great reams of well argued prose and evidence (don't really know what that means) stipulating why your the right one for the old pupillage, just fill each box on the olpas form with "I have a horse." Bet it does the trick.

Barmaid said...

LG - you're a gem, now I know what to put on the sodding OLPAS form -

Why do you wish to be a barrister?

"Because I as an ors"

What do you think will make you a good barrister?

"Because I as an ors and anuver barrister said it was a nice ors"

Perhaps I'll miss out the bit about buying Bar-Os from a gypsy for £250!

Anonymous said...

I will next year for a laugh. (Although i dont have a horse. I will pretend I do though)

Michael said...

Don't knock yourself, BM... he may well have been admiring your derrière as you rode off! ;-)


Suggest that you amend your OLPAS form accordingly: What do you think will make you a good barrister?

"Because I as an ors and anuver barrister said it was a nice ors ... and a great arse!"

Swiss Tony said...

BM,

I have now completed the OLPAS forms.

Why do you want to be a Barrister?
Because I am an arse.

I will let you know how it goes.

To be honest, I did dip my toes into the forms, but knowing that I don't have an ors, or having never been to Oxford, I stand no chance.

So I have decided to concentrate on my shoe shine business and be contented with my place in society.

On the other hand, if Ginge can pretend to have an ors, and she can pretend to be anonymous Katie too, the world is my oyster. I can be anything. Henceforth, I shall be Bertram Poncy-Forth with a first from Oxford. Will let you know if it works.

Swiss

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Oh god i wish someone would fill in a form and write only that. I can imagine it going down about as well as a punch in the nose in most chambers but it would be farking funny to see sucked lemon expressions.

I think Anonomous Katie has been scared off.

Maybe i can scare off Anonmous fibber poster from Andros blog if i pretend to be him?

Michael said...

I still think 'anonymous Katie' was/is a well-established member of the 'sphere acting out certain mischief under the veil of so-called anonymity.

Barmaid said...

Ok, so just to make sure I've got the OLPAS thingy right:

Q. Why do you wish to be a barrister?

A. Because I is an arse.

Q. Why will you be a good barrister?

A. Because I is an arse wiv an ors and anuver barrister said he liked my ors or my arse and he is an arse himself, so must be right.

Q. Reasons for choice of Chambers

A. :-) I is an arse and u is all arses.

Q. Identify skills

A. Arse

References: Both of my referees will vouch that I am an arse.

Swiss Tony said...

BM, by jove, all that training has paid off and been proven to have been well spent. You are a cut above the rest of us.

Michael, AK isn't a made up poster at all. She is a gorgeous blonde bombshell that laughs at all my jokes and has the hots for anything Swiss. Don't spoil it for me by saying otherwise.

Swiss

Anonymous said...

Hey

Well, at least you didn't embarrass yourself! One point for you!

I especially like "I is an arse and u is all arses" i think that about sums it all up for olpas!

And Michael has a wild imaginatin!

katie

Anonymous said...

Swiss - unfortunetly I'm not a blonde, I'm a brunette!

Maid i don't know what to do with the dissertation, sometimes feel like chucking it out the window! And i wonder if procrastinating is a skill, i feel like putting it on my cv.

I'm really stressed, everything is starting to get to me now :(

katie

Barmaid said...

Swizz - glad your likin' the OLPAS app, now it's just a matter of which Chambers to send it to:-) And please, I'm not a cut above the rest, you too are an arse, just believe in yourself.

katie - not sure what to recommend about the dissertation - chocolate, glass or 2 of whatever floats your boat, or maybe a cyber flirt with Swizz - he's a bit of a tart, but his heart's in the right place. If you pretend to be blonde and tell him you wear spikey heels and very short skirts, he'll do your dissertation for you:-)

Beth said...

I was at a pupillage/networking event yesterday where one of the barristers said she had once reviewed an olpas form where the answer to "why do you want to be a barrister?" was "because the ladies love it".

Needless to say the applicant did *not* get an interview. Now maybe if he had talked about his ors/arse, things would have been different.

Michael said...

Beth,

Sounds like those chambers missed out there! He seems like a charismatic guy... think he would have been a hit.

Perhaps he thought that ladies would find horsehair a turn on?! ;-)

Anonymous said...

LOL!

Hi, I just wanted to leave you a note to tell you that I am happy to have recently found your blog. I hope that you will pay me a visit me sometime if you find yourself with a few free moments. Thanks for the read!

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh so hard. Brilliant anecdote. Good luck with pupillage interviews!